The Evil Neopet Interviews: Hubrid Nox
Having competed in vain against Hubrid Nox in numerous Better Than You contests,
I was quite eager to find out more about this mysterious (and apparently evil)
Neopet. Having being tutored by me in the fine art of interviewing, my Scorchio,
Bluefire104, was quite keen to try out his new skills, so, reluctantly, I decided
to let him go solo, and interview Hubrid Nox by himself. Now keep in mind, everything
written from this point forward is written by Bluefire104.
This is my first article!
HAUNTED WOODS - Hi, my name is Bluefire104, the one and only.
As you probably know, I am Bluescorchio104's only Neopet. Anyway, I couldn't
believe it when he finally gave in and let me write an article! Having assisted
him in almost all of his interviews, I'm pretty experienced. As you know, it
all started when Bluescorchio104 got interested in Hubrid Nox. So, of course,
he sent me to find out all about him. I started by collecting data from average
Neopians all around Neopia. Even though I must have interviewed at least a hundred,
none of them had given me any concrete evidence of Hubrid's whereabouts. So,
that day, I packed Bluescorchio104's Green Backpack (which he generously lent
me) full of food and weaponry (but mostly food) and brushed up on my tracking
skills. After waving goodbye to Bluescorchio104, I set off on my mission. I
winged my way to the Better Than You studio, where the latest contest was taking
place. Just like I suspected, Hubrid Nox was the contestant. After waiting almost
all day, doing nothing but munching on Economy Jelly Beans, I finally spotted
Hubrid Nox leaving. Following from a safe distance, I carefully tracked Hubrid
Nox to a narrow, dank alley that smelt like a room full of Dung Furniture.
Watching from behind a discarded cardboard box, I spotted Hubrid
carefully moving a rubbish bin to one side, revealing a dark hole. He quickly
glanced around, and then dropped nimbly down the hole, disappearing from sight.
Automatically, with a mechanical grinding noise, the rubbish bin slowly began
sliding back over the hole. With no time to lose, I leapt out from behind my
hiding place, and dived head first into the hole. As I landed I curled into
a ball and went into a roll, absorbing most of the impact. I uncurled myself,
and opened my eyes to absolute darkness. Fishing out a pair of Seek Visors (bought
during a visit to the VirtuPets Space Station) from the Green Backpack, I donned
them, and took another look around. This time, illuminated in a creepy green
light, I saw that I was in fact in a stone corridor. Careful to not trip over
on the rough stone floor, I started walking. After what seemed to be hours of
walking (it probably was hours, but I didn't have a watch at the time) and several
rest breaks (during which I consumed over half the supplies in the Green Backpack),
I came to a grimy, damp wooden door. After quickly scanning the surface, I swiftly
located an iron ring, which I assumed was the handle.
After pulling with all my might upon the door, the door wouldn't
budge, and I decided to take a breather, and rested against the cold stone wall.
A few minutes later, I got back up again, and standing a few metres back, let
fly a torrent of fire from my mouth, completely incinerating the door, all except
for the iron ring, which, half-melted, dropped to the floor with a loud clang,
which echoed all along the corridor (it was only afterwards that I realised
that the door was meant to be pushed, not pulled). Hoping that no one had heard
the clang of the iron ring, I stepped through the doorway, only to be greeted
by a steep set of stairs. Heaving a heavy sigh, I started trudging up the stairs.
When I finally reached the top landing, I was faced with yet another door. After
testing to make sure that the door was locked and I was not merely pushing in
the wrong direction, I came to the conclusion that this door was genuinely locked.
Naturally enough, I hoped to pass this obstacle stealthily. I quietly took out
my Million Degree Sword, and sliced neatly through the hinges. The lock the
only thing preventing the door from falling down, I quickly stowed the sword
back into its sheath, and grabbed the door with my paws, my sharp claws gouging
out deep, firm holds into the wood. I wrenched lightly, and the door slid smoothly
out from the doorframe. I leaned the door gently against the wall, and strode
quietly into the gloomy, torch-lit room beyond. To my disappointment, it was
completely empty. It did, however, have three doors leading off into different
directions. Taking off my Seek Visor and stowing it within my Green Backpack,
I wondered where the doors led. Checking my Compass, I noticed there was a door
positioned in the east, one in the west, and one in the north. I had just emerged
from the south door. I opted to take the door to the east, and upon opening
it, was greeted by a huge, spotlessly white room, containing gigantic amounts
of complex machinery, rows of computers, several Robot Neopets and a few Mutant
Kacheeks working at the computers with breathtaking speed and concentration.
Wary of being caught, I closed the door quietly, as not to disturb the occupants.
I turned back to the torch-lit room and decided to take the door to the west.
I opened the west door and looked inside. Inside was a vast stone room, filled
with bubbling cauldrons and bulky racks of bottles containing what seemed to
be potions, vile ooze, and even things I couldn't even remotely comprehend.
In the very centre, on a raised stone platform, was none other
than Edna the Witch, busy casting spells and chanting in an eerie, moaning voice.
Needless to say, I quickly withdrew, and headed straight for the north door.
Inside the colossal room, at the far side, was Hubrid Nox, completely alone,
seated in a throne made from some kind of blood-red stone, with trimmings of
gleaming obsidian. I silently stepped into the room, and noting the numerous
statues of Hubrid Nox in various poses adorning the room, took cover behind
a large, shadow black sculpture, representing Hubrid Nox laughing maniacally,
the eyes crafted from shining rubies. I was maybe twenty metres away from the
throne, and silently, making use of my Orange Invisihat (taken from the handy
Green Backpack, of course), darted from statue to statue (boy, were they ugly!),
till I was within fire breathing distance (approximately four metres). After
a hasty check for hidden guards and potential interfering Mallards (don't even
bother asking me why I checked for Mallards) I took off the Invisihat, and stepped
out from behind the statue I was currently hiding behind. Almost immediately,
Hubrid Nox snapped out of his motionless meditation, and growled "Who goes there?"
(talk about a cliché!). Respectably, I bowed my head slightly, and replied "Bluefire104,
sir. I wish to interview you, and find out more about your esteemed person.
Your reputation for greatness has spread far and wide." Hubrid Nox, seemingly
unaffected by my flattery, answered, "You may, on the conditions that you shall
answer truthfully any questions I ask you, and that no information passed within
these walls shall be spoken of ever again." Crossing my fingers behind my back,
I responded with "Sure".
Bluefire104: So, Mr. Nox, how do you do?
Hubrid Nox: I am in perfectly good health.
Bluefire104: May I call you Hubrid?
Hubrid Nox: You may.
Bluefire104: Great! So, do you have any plans for world domination?
Don't be offended, it's just that I learnt from Bluescorchio104 that's the first
thing you ask in an interview.
Hubrid Nox: In fact, I do have some plans to enslave Neopia.
Bluefire104: Interesting. Does the room with high tech stuff and room
filled with hocus-pocus stuff have anything to do with it?
Hubrid Nox: Yes they do. As you see, my esteemed personage wishes to
control Neopia. So you see, I carefully analysed every major attempt to take
over Neopia since the beginning of written history. None of the attempts were
successful, whether they utilised magic or technology. So, I came to the conclusion
that with a blend of both, I would be enabled to effectively rule Neopia with
relatively little opposition.
Bluefire104: Wow, that's amazing! So, I guess that means in one room,
you're developing magical powers, and in another you're researching technology,
Hubrid Nox: Precisely. I have the finest witch in the land working
on building up a huge store of magical power that can be released by a simple
incantation, and the creation of powerful magical weapons with which I will
subdue my enemies. I also have the finest scientists in Neopia, namely Mutant
Kacheeks with their abnormally large brains and Robot Neopets with their computing
power, working on the development of high-tech weapons of mass destruction.
Bluefire104: What do you mean by "powerful magical weapons" and "high-tech
weapons of mass destruction" exactly?
Hubrid Nox: Currently, Edna is working on a magical Flame Wand. She's
also created prototype of a souped up version of a Lightning wand, with greatly
enhanced power. Both weapons are powered by a Faerie battery. The Flame Wand
is powered by a Fire Faerie battery and the Lightning wand is powered by a Light
Bluefire104: What's a Faerie battery?
Hubrid Nox: In effect, a Faerie imprisoned within a small chamber,
with magical energy constantly drained from it. The chamber is small enough
to attach on to the weapon without being a hindrance.
Bluefire104: That's cruel!
Hubrid Nox: (ignores Bluefire104) And by "high-tech weapons of mass
destruction" I mean that the Mutant Kacheeks and Robot Neopets are busy developing
radically improved Lightning Guns powered by mini Zyrobian radioactive batteries.
One zap from those could knock out ten fully grown Elephantes. They're also
working on an upgraded version of the Goo Blaster, with laser sighting and explosive
ammunition. They're planning to call it the Goo Bazooka 2000, I believe.
Bluefire104: Whoa! They've been really busy, haven't they!
Hubrid Nox: (laughs ominously) Those are merely the weapons to be used
by foot soldiers. They're peashooters compared to the extremely dangerous military
Bluefire104: And who exactly are these "foot soldiers"?
Hubrid Nox: That's where the real genius comes in. You see, not only
have I developed magical and high-tech weapons, I've also developed magical
and high-tech soldiers!
Hubrid Nox: Edna has already managed to create a spell to resurrect
zombies, and my technological team has already developed robot soldiers. The
Robo Grarrl is an example of one of the early prototypes gone rogue.
Bluefire104: (says nothing, an amazed expression on his face)
Hubrid Nox: The two types of soldier compliment each other nicely.
The zombies cannot be killed, but only dismembered. Alas, they are also slightly
clumsy with some of the more complex weapons. The robots are heavily armoured,
but not invincible. Their weapons are more like interchangeable parts, rather
than handheld weapons.
Bluefire104: Do you have any, um, normal troops?
Hubrid Nox: Yes, in fact I do. Various greedy Neopets willing to share
my glory have come from all around Neopia. Every type of pet has signed up,
from Faerie Neopets to Mutant ones, from Krawks to Lennys.
Bluefire104: Wow. Hey, Edna seems to be doing a lot of work- what does
she get out of it?
Hubrid Nox: She shall be my second-in-command of the Haunted Woods.
Bluefire104: Hmmm. You seem very well prepared. How long have you been
planning all of this?
Hubrid Nox: To be precise, exactly a seventeen years, two months and
Bluefire104: Whoa! That plan is older than I am! Well, thank you for
answering all my question, but I better go know. I'm getting hungry, and I've
already eaten everything edible in my backpack.
Hubrid Nox: But you said that no information passed within these walls
shall be spoken of ever again.
Bluefire104: Yeah, that's true. What about it?
Hubrid Nox: But you will. Therefore I took that statement to mean you
would join my army.
Bluefire104: But I don't want to!
Hubrid Nox: Well, I don't think you have a choice.
At that instant Hubrid Nox began wailing an eerie incantation. Immediately,
the statues of Hubrid strewn around the room began slowly moving, pulling their
heavy feet from their various platforms and sluggishly stepping onto the floor.
All I could do was stare in horror at the animation of these statues. Slowly,
they began heading for me, taking long, heavy steps, their every footstep echoing
through the room. Hubrid Nox kept up his chanting, getting more and more intense.
I quickly launched myself into the air, but was slightly inconvenienced by the
ceiling, wasn't as high as I would have liked. I flew through the air, heading
for the door from which I had came, more than once skimming the fingertips of
a statue reaching into the air. Eventually, I came to the door, and ducked my
head as I soared through it. When I next looked up, on either side I saw Hubrid's
forces moving towards me. I dodged their attempts to catch me and rocketed down
the staircase, and pulled up sharply once I had reached the bottom, to prevent
being splattered against the stone floor.
I quickly reached in to the Green Backpack, whipped out my Seek Visor, donned
it, and sped through the corridor, hoping to spot the end, where I knew the
hole up to the surface would be. Before long, I heard sounds of pursuit, and
turning around briefly, I let loose a huge fireball, which rocketed down the
passageway at a high speed. Rather than watch Hubrid's minions be incinerated,
I picked up my pace, and after around an hour of high speed flying, spotted
the hole in the ceiling through the Seek Visor. Without any regard for the rubbish
bin covering the hole, I took out the Million Degree Sword once again, and held
it straight in front of me as I turned sharply upwards. As I had planned, the
sword sliced through the bottom of the rubbish bin like a Golden Butterknife
through Vegan Cheese, and before I knew it, I was soaring out in the open air
(nonetheless covered in rubbish). I winged my way back home, and completely
exhausted, and collapsed onto my Tiger Bed.
With any luck, Hubrid won't be taking over Neopia any time soon, because he
seemed really, really, really, well prepared. If he does, well, it's going to
take the citizens of Neopia to band together and stop him!