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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 24th day of Hunting, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 27 > Articles > Stop Those Shoppers!

Stop Those Shoppers!

by cyndik

Are you a shopkeeper who doesn't want to sell anything? Annoyed when fellow Neopians come to put money in your till? Tired of putting all that money in the bank? I know just how you feel! It's terrible when you make a profit, isn't it?

I have some tips for building a shop that is guaranteed to be so discouraging to visitors that no one will ever buy anything from it again. Or, if they do, they won't be happy about the visit, so they won't try it twice. Apply even two of these and your sales will drop. Use all of them, and you'll only sell things when your prices are set so low you are giving them away.

How To Keep People From Shopping At Your Store

1) Use HTML to add a shop description that takes a really long time to load. Put in a background, banners for every guild in existence, pictures of your adopted pets, and a music track. Heck, add photos of your family and old school teachers. Use programs that insist the visitor have Quicktime or Java or other software they may choose not to have. Most people put these things on their pets' Web page, but not you! (The music is especially cruel, since most shoppers will be in your store for less time than it takes the music to load. Making them wait five minutes so they can hear the opening three notes of a tune they already know is so delightfully cruel that you are guaranteed to chase away shoppers with it.)

2) Use HTML to set your shop's page and text colour to be the same, so no one can see what you have in the store. They will be presented with a page with blank boxes. You will sell only a fraction of what you might have sold if visitors could browse your store. A great idea if you never want to make any friends, or Neopoints, with your store.

3) Put every single item you own into your store. Flood the market! If you own one hundred carrots, put them all into your store at once and use the lowest price you can find for that item in the Shop Wizard. That way, the price will never go up until they are all sold, and you won't have to worry about making a big profit on the last fifty you sell. (Also, then I can come buy them and *I* will make a huge profit because I only put a few on at a time, and keep checking how the price is going when I restock.)

4) Make sure your shop description doesn't tell a visitor anything about what your shop sells. They might find you in the marketplace and be tempted to visit and buy something.

5) Don't check the Shop Wizard before you price an item. Price everything at 5,000 NP. Be cautious; someday, every item will be worth that, so two years from now, you may start to start to sell most of your items. Price them all at 10,000 NP when that starts to happen. (This tip can be risky because many store owners who don't check the Shop Wizard price all their items at 25 or 50 NP. If everyone else is charging over 100 NP for the same thing, you will sell your items immediately and worse, for only a fraction of what they were worth.)

There you go--five perfect ways to annoy and drive away your potential customers. Don't worry. I'll be happy to let them buy things from me.

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