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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 28th day of Sleeping, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 25 > New Series > Al Goes West: Part One

Al Goes West: Part One

by al_the_chia

The Great Neopian West: A dry, dusty place, filled with ghost towns and mysterious people. Kauboys ran the ranches and wrangled cattle. It was a great place, filled with adventure, mystery, and action like you wouldn't believe. Duels, bank robberies, horse chases, romance, and the great rodeos attracted NeoPets from all over the world, as well as prospectors searching for gold and treasure found in the deep mines. And the west has a fair share of heroes, too, including Fire-Pawed Griff the great cowboy Lupe, who could lick the brawniest Skeith with a flick of his wrist. Stinky Stan the bad Kiko, who robbed a thousand and two banks before his defeat. And Big Bill, the legendary Kauboy Gelert who gunned down Bad Bert Barnsworth Badcheek on a quick draw fight. Yep, even the most unlikely people were liable to become heroes.

The sun was setting on the old dusty town of Cactus Fanny. It was a quiet town, unlike most of the others, and was barely touched by outlaws or criminals. It was an old fashioned place, with a general store, a saloon, and a bank that was just begging to be robbed. It was inhabited by Gelerts, who happily greeted any new visitors. However, something was amiss the day Al and his friends arrived.

It was midnight. Neville the checkered Gelert toyed with his father's Frost Cannon, laughing. "All right, Bad Bert, prepare to taste frost! Nasty Neville is here to tan your hide!!" He pretended to shoot the trigger, defeating his imaginary foe. "HA! Take that! You won't be robbin' no more banks, that's fer sure!!" He wandered around the empty town, swinging on poles, splashing through puddles, and endlessly pursuing his imaginary enemies, until arriving in front of the Cactus Fanny Bank. Neville paused upon hearing a loud crash. Suddenly, a dark figure jumped from the shattered window. Snickering, the unknown thief hopped onto a blue Kau who was waiting outside. "HYAA!! GO KAU!! GO!!"

The Kau sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "All right, I'm going, you don't have to yell!" They galloped away, disappearing into the night as Neville's jaw dropped.

"Wow, real outlaws. Wait'll Paw hears about this one…."

But before Neville could fetch his father, he dropped the Frost Cannon, making a loud clunking noise. The galloping Kau suddenly stopped and turned. Neville paused. He had heard him. And now he can see him.

"Hey, Rex, thar's a witness over thar!!"

The figure on the Kau turned around. "Durn it!! He's sure to squeal like a pig! We gotta snuff him out!"

Neville gasped as the figure raised a Frost Cannon…

The Gelerts of Cactus Fanny woke up to the sound of a Frost Shot. "Whut… whut…. what was THAT?"


"Quick, Paw!! Grab your gun!"

Maw Prickles, Neville's mother, jumped from the bed and grabbed her Frost Cannon. Paw Prickles couldn't find his, and wandered around the room, stumbling and muttering, "I could have sworn I left it right under that bed!"

The Gelerts of Cactus Fanny burst into the streets, yelling, "The Bank's been robbed?!"

"Not again!!"

"Quick! Maybe we can still catch the criminal!!"

They rushed over to the bank to find a shattered window, 80,000 NP missing, and, most terrifying of all, Neville, frozen solid, a petrified look on his face.

Al, Fluffy, and Thornpaw, driving in Al's little blue jeep, screeched to a halt in front of an ancient wooden sign.

"You are now entering Cactus Fanny…" Al read. "Cactus Fanny? What a creative name…"

"Is it Lost Desert language?"

"I don't know." Al frowned. "But somewhere around here is the legendary Tomahock Lupe burial grounds, and I intend on finding them!! ONWARD!!"

ZOOM!! The car zoomed ahead, getting closer and closer to the little town…

Rancid Rex and his accomplice, Kaupoke, were the most wanted outlaws in the world. Rex was a dirty, smelly, ugly, vile old skunk Skeith, weighing in at several hundred pounds. He wore an enormous, ugly, ten-gallon hat and dirty, stinking Kauboy boots, and never went anywhere without his trusty Black Frost Cannons. What he couldn't solve with his lack of brains was either shot or smashed instead. Some said he has the shortest temperature and the biggest bulk in all of Neopia. His ride, Kaupoke, weighed much less, and always loathed carrying the overweight Skeith away from the scenes of the crimes he committed. Escaping from Cactus Fanny Bank was nothing special.

"Rex, can't we stop and rest a bit? Mah back is killin' me, and I don't think I can carry you no more…"

"Shut yer grass-chewin' mouth and get moving! We got ter get this loot to the hideout quicklikes!!"

"How come I have to do all the gruntwork here?" the small blue Kau moaned.

"Hey, who's the one actually getting the money from the banks? Now GIDDYUP!!"



Al wandered into Cactus Fanny, looking absolutely ridiculous. "Come on you two! What's keeping you?" he yelled.

Thornpaw sighed, "Well, Al, it's just that… you look… a little… bit… strange…"

Fluffy burst out hissing in laughter.


Al was wearing a cowboy hat and a brown trench coat to top it off.

"I'm just trying to fit in! When in Maraqua, do as the Maraquans do, that's what I always say!!"

Thornpaw sighed, "Al, we aren't in Maraqua, it was destroyed, remember?"

Before Al could respond, a large mob of Gelerts dashed past them, one of them asking, "What did they do to Paw's boy?"

"I dunno… they thawed him out, but he was too scared to talk… kept on babbling 'bout Kaus…."

"Hey, who's that funny looking Chia over thar?"

"Bah! Obviously a tourist…."

Al frowned. "Oh Piffle…"

Thornpaw scratched his head, confused. "Hm… It sounds like something happened here… maybe I should help check it out…" Al sighed.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds real fun. But we have a purpose! I paid a good 10,000 NP on this trip so we could find those Tomahock Lupes, not solve a stereotypical western problem with a bizarre plot line and odd twists in the plot!!"

Suddenly, a Gelert grabbed Al's paw, dragging him away. "THAR you are!! I've been looking all over fer ya! The rodeo's startin' in just a second!"


"Don't play dumb! Your Buckin' Billy, the Rodeo Chia! I can tell by your photo!!"

"But…" Al was dragged away, stunned. Thornpaw waved. "Bye Al! Have fun at your plot twist!!!"

Al found himself sitting on top of an enormous Kau, with incredibly sharp horns and a mean look on his face. "Um… excuse me… what exactly are we doing here?" The Kau looked up.

"Pardon me sir? What exactly is a rodeo?"

"Oh, this must be your first time on this sort of thing. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lord Reginald Farnsworth. And my job is to try and throw you off my back and stab you with my horns. Your job is to hang on as long as you can without ending up as a Shish Kabob. Understand?"

Al frowned. "Maybe I should take off my glasses…" Suddenly, the door flew open, and Al screeched as the bull charged forward…

To be continued...

Previous Episodes

Al Goes West: Part Two

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