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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 27th day of Collecting, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 145 > Articles > The NT National News

The NT National News

by tracypaper12

Also by too_kule

NEOPIAN TIMES HQ -

Tracy: Good evening, and welcome to the Neopian Times Headquarters, home of the NT National News. This is anchor Tracy Paper-Twelve.

TK: And I'm her co-anchor, TK Knomb-Earner. Good evening.

Tracy: We're here to give you the best in Neopian news. Our rivals, the New Features and the Neopian News Brief, will cower before us as we continue our heck-bent plan for domination of teaching people things about Neopia. Here is TK with our top story.

TK: Early this morning, a swarm of furious protesters stormed the street in front of the Toy Shop. They were there to express their disapproval for one piece of said shop's merchandise. "It's hideous! Items like these should never be produced," one Tonu proclaimed, to the cheers of many others. "My son took one look at it and had nightmares for two weeks straight." Consequently, the Number Six Plushie has been retired.

Tracy: Latest: Edna is reported to have turned an entire room of beauty specialists into Greebles, after being turned down for a face cream advertisement. Blem-X stated, "We were looking for a model who was slightly less... green." But the witch wouldn't take no for an answer. "My friends often tell me I don't look a day older than 340," she said at a press conference, before turning everyone there into Greebles as well. Just for the heck of it.

TK: A new study tells us that green Kacheeks born the second day after a full moon who live in the south-western region of Happy Valley are more liable to get Sneezles after drinking two and a half cans of Diet Neocola than white Lupes who were born during the month of Hunting. Another study claims that 96% of all researchers have too much time on their hands.

Tracy: In recent news, a new version of Gormball has been released. Instead of tossing around a harmless ball filled with water, the ball with be filled with concentrate hydrochloric acid. Who says Virtupets don't know how to have a good time?

TK: On Tuesday, it was reported that Brucey B discovered a slice of Chocopie behind his sofa. Well, we all know what this means. The Lost Dessert has been found. Now, here's Tracy with the weather!

Tracy: Well TK, I'm forecasting a 95% chance of lies and phony weather predictions.

TK: More than twenty-thousand Neopets have been hospitalized after they tried to eat Kreludor. Pfft, and people keep saying there are too many books in Neopia.

Tracy: Latest News - A Speech Therapy class has been set up in the Haunted Woods. Residents such as the Esssophager and Ssssydney will be able to get the professional help they truly don't deserve.

TK: TODAY THE ANNUAL PETPET STARING CONTEST GETS UNDERWAY! SPARDEL AND ROCK CURRENTLY FACING OFF! THE SPARDEL PHASES OUT THE ROCK... BUT THE ROCK HOLDS STRONG... THE ROCK PSYCHES THE SPARDEL OUT... AND... AND... MAN, THIS IS SO EXCITING!

Tracy: A horrible disease is rapidly spreading Neopia, and has been classified as "Capslockism". We still haven't found the cure for TK yet.

TK: WAHH!

Tracy: In NeoDaq news, the Stock Market rose this weekend. Investors have tried shaking the tree, poking it with a stick, and trying to lure it with some freshly smoked Pfish to get it down.

TK: RUN! HIDEOUS MUTANTS ARE ATTACKING NEOPIA! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Tracy: Florg goes on a diet: after putting on alot of weight recently, Florg has decided it's time to cut Petpets out of his diet. "Sure, they taste good, but they're murder on your waistline. If only they came in low fat varieties..." His nutritionalistician was recommending a diet of vegetables and gruel... until Florg ate him too.

TK: It seems that Taelia the Snow Faerie has shut herself in her home on Terror Mountain. Friends claim she has recently gained a large amount of weight and does not want to be seen. I, for one, suspected this after she asked for four Chocolate Coated Hot Dogs for a spell.

Tracy: Petpetpetpets - The latest craze to hit Neopia! Wait until you see the look of excitement on your pet's petpet's petpet... oh, forget it!

TK: Yesterday, a swarm of transmogrified Buzzes swooped down upon Neopia! They attacked all of its major landmarks, annihilating them. We don't even know what happened!

Tracy: Probably because you haven't invented it yet.

TK: Hehe... yeah... Yesterday, a Neopian scientist made the discovery that the cave paintings in the Tyrannian Jungle actually may not be genuine. His strongest argument was that the Blumaroo in the corner was holding a pocket Meerca Chase game.

Tracy: Just in! It appears the amount of personal attacks in articles has risen 50% over the last 6 months. I blame TK. Stupid, smelly TK. Who smells.

TK: The Flotsam who runs the Wheel of Mediocrity has sadly passed on. Apparently he wasn't being sarcastic: he really couldn't take all that excitement.

Tracy: Spell or Starve has undergone major renovations. For one, it's true to its name. Spell your words wrong, and watch that cheese omelette disintergrate before your very eyes. Harsh, but it gives a good incentive to spell properly. Perhaps they should set up "Use Good Grammar or Starve" in the Neoboards.

TK: When I'm not giving Neopians the news they love to hear, you can always see me eating a cool, mouth-watering slice of Small Chokato Pie. Perfect blend of chokato and crust - and is that a hint of Ummagine I taste? Yeah, the best Ummagine around... I think I could go for a second helping; it's that yummy! Oh, and in unrelated news, the NT National News has picked up a new sponsor: the Neopian Bakery.

Tracy: Shocking news in the media industry! Sloth is reforming his band "Frankie and The Minions". However some feel this might not be a wise career move, as last time they were around, their biggest selling piece of merchandise was "Frankie and The Minions Brand Ear Protectors"

TK: A mass recall on Toe Nail Soup was issued today. Apparently, a cup full of toilet water had been added to the concotion, making any drinkers liable to contract fourteen diseases from the soup, instead of the usual eleven. As we all know, that'd be a terrible, terrible thing.

Tracy: It's been confirmed: Neoschools will be released this week FOR SURE NO MATTER WHAT. Better get ready to tell your grandchildren... if you're still around.

TK: This just in: Snowflake, the Neopian Times editor, just happens to be smart, kind, nice, witty, fun, and an all-around spiffy person!

Tracy: TK, Snowflake is NOT going to make you the co-editor.

TK: Oh, pffsh...

Tracy: UPDATE! The Snowager has gone into anger management. After much nagging and complaining from Momma Snowager, he has finally decided to try a professional approach to his unbridled rage.

TK: A recent NT National News poll claims that 100% of the voters say yours truly is the most handsome writer ever to grace the Neopian Times. Hehe...

Tracy: But why doesn't the poll say how many votes were cast? And who they were cast by?

TK: Er... we're running out of time, folks, so I'll just cut past the space-fillers. Something about the Space Station crashing... Fyora apparently being held hostage... Ice Caves are melting from the inside... okay, that's it. Our final story of the evening: Doglefoxes and Flouds can now be painted yellow at the Petpet Puddle!

Tracy: I wonder how they got those pets yellow...

TK: And that concludes the NT National News. I truly hope you've learned a lot about Neopia this evening. Catch us next week, when we'll be broadcasting from--

Tracy: There won't be a next week, TK. The Neopian Times only funded us for one article.

TK: Really? Oh. Er... this is too_kule, signing off from the Neopian Times HQ. Over and out.

Tracy: And this is Tracypaper12, doodling smilies on the side of this article. See you :) :( ^_^ :P


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