NEOPIA CENTRAL -
Attention! Have you been a victim to Neopia’s cruel rush to collect avatars?
The Avatar Depression, I like to call it! Are you that poor Elephante with an
allergic reaction to peanuts that your owner fed to you anyways just to get
an avatar? Are you the faerie that was forced to bless a Shoyru or suffer the
consequences? Well, come confess the terrifying experiences to me, Apollo, on
358096 Wishing Well Lane, it’s better to let them out than keep them in!
“I dunno Bryce, that sounded kinda cheesy,” I said. “It’ll be fine,” my Gelert
replied, “after all, if it’s weird, it’ll get more attention.” “Thanks.” I was
sitting on a Luxurious Sofa, a Beach Chair padded with Blue Pillows in front
No one so far, I thought to myself.
“Um, Apollo,” Cairo, my Buzz, said, “ya might wanna look over here.”
I peered out of the window and sure enough, a line as long as I could see was
in front of our house. “Let’em in!” I shouted to Bryce.
Victim #1- An Anonymous Kacheek
Apollo: And what is your problem?
Kacheek: Well, I was just thrown into the pound by my cruel owner.
It was Kacheek Day and I was excited because I was adopted and we went straight
to the beach. I was so happy! When we got to the beach my new owner shouted
that she found an avatar. Then we went directly back to the pound and was thrown
Apollo: Go on…
Kacheek: Then I was adopted again and it happened all over again. I
was as bad as the insane screeching of the Twisted Roses. Now, I have a truly
nice owner who got the avatar, but kept me. I still fear that something like
that might happen again.
Apollo: Thank you for coming in, I hope I helped you.
Kacheek: Thank you, I finally got that out.
Victim #9- 100 Days the Slorg
Note: The Slorg, like many petpets, cannot speak. However, being the intelligent
creatures that they are, they can write. This Slorg worte everything down on
a piece of paper.
Apollo: And how did the Avatar Depression put you down?
100 Days: Well, I was bought from the petpet shop, and was given to
an Usul. She wasn’t really kind toward me, that’s how I got my name. I was with
her for a hundred days and then I was shoved in a safety deposit box. Then after
they got an avatar for being a pack rat, they sold me to get money for a transmogrification
Apollo: Now where do you live?
100 Days: The new pet that bought me was going to use me for the same
purpose. I ran away and now I roam the streets.
Apollo: Okay... thank you for your time, good bye, and good luck.
Victim #12- A Blue Evil Fuzzle
Apollo: So, what is your problem?
Apollo: No, how did the Avatar Depression get you?
*Something has happened! You are now eligible to use the Evil Fuzzle BOO!
avatar on the Neoboards!*
Apollo: You evil, stupid, Evil Fuzzle! You turned me against my cause!
*kicks fuzzle out the door*
Victim #36- Usuki Shopkeeper
Shopkeeper: Like, okay. Like, I work at the Usuki shop, and like people
come everyday to look at the, like, adverts. They look, leave, and, like, don’t
buy anything! Like, how am I supposed to get a raise, like, if people just look
at the adverts for the stupid, like, whatchamacallit, avatar! It’s, like, awful!
So, like, how can you help?
Apollo: Um… what’s your name?
Shopkeeper: Forget that! Like, how can you help me?
Apollo: Miss, um, I don’t give advice, people come to me to get things
from the Avatar Depression off their chest. And shouldn’t you be at work?
Shopkeeper: Like, OMG! You’re right! I should go back, like, um… to
Shopkeeper: Like, yeah! Now!
Apollo: Thank Number 6 that’s over!
Victim #41- An Anonymous Yurble
Apollo: Yes, come on, sit down!
Yurble: Well, I am brand new to Neopia, Yurbles in general, and I come
to say something that burdends us all.
Yurble: We were all just born, and owners kept coming to our look-ups.
Our owners did nothing to help us, they said it would make them more popular.
We were so new... so young, we could do nothing! We didn't even have the proper
training to fight them all away! It's an outrage! People should know about this!
Apollo: I'll make sure people do, just, um, leave, the doors that way.
Victim #66- An Anonymous Grey Krawk
Krawk: *sigh* Is this Apollo?
Krawk: Well, *sigh* here I go… Well, I was a happy Krawk, green and
happy. When my owner discovered the Grey avatar, he had to have it so he painted
me Grey. Now I’m *sigh* sad…
Apollo: Anything else?
Krawk: Yes, *sigh* now I’m always sad, I lost all of my friends, I
can’t eat, I won’t sleep, I don’t have the energy to do much, my back hurts
from slouching so much and…
Victim #67- Dr. Frank Sloth
Sloth: Foolish Mortals! Bow down to me!
Apollo: Why now, Sloth? I’m with a victim!
Sloth: *sobs* I’m a victim too you know! Just because I’m evil doesn’t
mean I’m heartless, it’s just that my heart’s black and cold. Move it Krawky!
Krawk: Bye Apollo, see you around, I guess… *sigh*
Sloth: Are you the one that put up the Avatar Depression sign?
Apollo: Actually, Bryce did, but I’m the one to see. Take a seat Sloth.
Sloth: Well, do you know about Sloth Appreciation Day?
Apollo: Yeah, I didn’t leave my house that day.
Sloth: Anyways, an “I Heart Sloth” Avatar came out, and in order to
get it, you had to take my loyalty test. The mass amount of people that got
perfects got the avatar, and I thought for sure I would defeat foolish Neopia
with everyone on my side.
Apollo: Continue, O Great One! *snickers*
Sloth: I overheard to owners talking about how they lied about the
test. I was so heart-broken. I retired the avatar right away before it could
get any worse.
Apollo: I didn’t get that avatar either…
Sloth: I was so disappointed that I’m delaying the war, but that’s
kind of evil! People are buying overpriced Codestones and Dubloons! Muahahahaha!
Apollo: Proud of yourself, aren’t you Slother?
“Well that was a blast,” I said to Kolton sarcastically.
“Glad you liked it,” he replied. “I scheduled more for next time.”
“Next time? I was almost turned into sludge today! I helped out 67 people!”
“Your inbox is flooding with people wanting help! How can you let them down!”
“Great, thanks Kolton, for nothing!"
Authors Note: First article, wOOt! I'm probably celebrating, or jumping
around my house. If you liked it, I have another Avatar Depression in the works,
this issue in Neopia is so important that it should be noticed! Anyways, I hope
you enjoyed it and will look foward to the next one! (If there is one anyways!)