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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 28th day of Storing, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 138 > New Series > All My Clichés: Part One

All My Clichés: Part One

by plushieowner

“Where am I?” A Baby Acara awoke, peered around the white room he was in, and looked completely bedazzled. The surrounding walls. White. The faces around. Pale.

     “I’ve got good news and bad news. You’ve been in a hospital for nine months because of a condition that the author of this story was too lazy to come up with a name for. To make things less confusing, let's just say it was a either a coma or brain freeze from a Blue Pop Slushie,” Doctor Nick Neopia explained and placed his hand on Yummy’s paw in reassurance.

     “Good news, you won’t remember what you have just said.” The doctor had a blue lined notebook in hand. It made him look smart. Smarter than he actually was.

(Yeah, the notebook was upside down and the pen had obviously ran out of ink. Or maybe he is a clown doctor and he is trying to humour me?)

     Hahahah... Um, not funny.

     Yummy pondered how many germs were on that greasy Doctor Nick Neopia. He didn’t want to know. The vase of flowers on the bedside table drooped down unhappily. All of a sudden, Yummy jumped out of bed like a Mootix in a pickle barrel.

     “No wonder, I’ve got major cramps all over!! Cure that!!” he cried and grabbed the disgruntled doctor by the neck of his fluorescent orange shirt (too unconventional for a proper doctor, but Yummy didn’t query it).

     “Bed rest, it cures EVERYTHING.” Nick pulled at his collar and they both continued to sling abuse at one another.

     “I HAVE BEEN ASLEEP FOR 9 MONTHS!!! Why would staying in bed even longer help me? Man, do you have any credentials at all?”

     Nick Neopia pointed to the awards hanging up on the wall (blunt as an Usul Axe, that boy).

     Yummy’s brother, Plushi0 the Usuki Usul, came in casually without much emotion like guys do. He sat down next to Yummy’s owner while she balled her eyes out on tissues. (You would swear there were crystals forming that would pass for Thyora's Tears on the trading post black-market.)

     The owner had shoulder length purple hair and a pitchfork sticking out of her shirt pocket (don’t get me started on her shoes; she must've hit a time warp on the way to the hospital to visit her poor pet).

     “YUMMY! You are awake! Do you still remember us? We’re here for you. ”

     “Let me just consult my built-in brain personal organiser. I remember your birthday, 16th August. Chic, your favourite colour is Purple. No... correction, royal purple and lavender. Plushieowner, I remember the time you forgot to go to my Neo Highschool graduation.”

     Briefly the owner tugged at her shirt collar. “Er... Shhh... it can’t get out that I’m a bad owner... Anyway, you are healed! Yay!” She squeezed Yummy so hard he thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

     “Oh great! They think I have memory loss as well! Wonderful!” grudgingly Yummy replied.

     “My fault, Ms Diagnosis. Here, take this fridge magnet as my apology.” The doctor dug around in his never ending blackhole of a shirt pocket (it was deep as the crack in Terror Mountain, I swear).

     “That is great, it will go great on my metallic pencil case since there aren’t any fridges in Neopia. Yet.”

     Unconvincingly, Nick Neopia pretended to start writing more technical mumbo jumbo in his notebook. ”How do you spell incompetent? Is it three n’s or seven?”

     Yummy’s owner rushed over and whispered to him how to spell the word. (Always such a show off at any opportunity. Look at me, no humble pie!)

     Plushi0 took out his Usuki Usul hat and friendly punched Yummy in the arm as an act of brothership. Yummy, though, was rather tense at the moment and thought his older brother was having a go at him, so he flinched.

     “Relax, mate. I’m sure you’ll be fine! What else could go wrong?” the sympathetic Usul supported his poor brother.

     “When I come home I’ll find that my uninsured Neohome has been destroyed by a tornado, your sister has been injured in a tragic Faerieland Racer incident, and your best friend has disappeared somewhere in the Jelly Llama Triangle in Mystery Island. Yeah, my life is good. “

     The Acara browsed through the untidy pile of reading materials on his bedside table. Sloth’s Autobiography, How to Earn NPs 101. How about this? A glossy magazine with the words ‘Neopian Extra’ caught his eye and he quickly skimmed it.

     “What kind of person reads this trash?”

***********

In the meantime, something completely different was happening in a huge mansion on the other side of town. It was furnished lavishly and to tell you the truth, a bit overdone. Too much frill and fabric, and tassels everywhere, even stuck on the kitchenware. It was home to a very toffee nosed Plushie Kougra and her butler.

     “Jhudorabrokenupwithslothbutviraisnowcarryingslothsbaby. Why don’t you care!” Star flopped into a luxurious, leather lounge chair.

     “Are you quite done with venting your anger out yet?” a Darigan Kougra limped in with a sore leg, holding a basket of laundry.

     “When this pet is created, it will be possessed with Sloth’s brother Darigan’s evil powers. Must stop this pet from being created and forsake us all!

     "Yes, Sollicitudo. I think I’m finished.” Star the Plushie Kougra got so angry that she popped a hole in her stuffing and some fell out onto the ground.

     “You really should stop reading the Neopian Extra gossip pages; you know nothing written there is true.” Sollicitudo (or Solli for short) snapped back and snatched the magazine from his mistress.

     He is a very tongue cheek in cheek kind of guy. He is the butler for the resident drama queen, Star.

     “Hey, I was reading that!” she growled at him and kicked him softly in the leg that wasn’t sore. He dropped the magazine in fright.

     “Do you know what I need around the house?” Star sipped up her PineappleBreeze, playfully fiddling with her little pink umbrella in her drink.

     “A real Kougra who doesn’t believe in paper doilies.”

***********

After crashing her Faerieland racer into the sea, Heart (Yummy’s younger sister) disappeared in the famous Jelly Llama Triangle located near Mystery Island. The bedazzled Faerie Scorchio then woke up and realised that she somehow must have drifted to the shore while floating on a piece of debris from the wreckage.

     After she woke up, she realised her mouth was full of sand and a few Goldy tails flapped out of her mouth as well. Quickly, she spat the tails out. She didn’t like her seafood ‘alive and kickin’.

     The sand was interwoven into her clothes and attached to her like glue. Her glasses were covered in muck, so she wiped them with her shirt.

     The lucky Gormball on the sand, from insider the cock-pit of her Faerieland racer before it crashed, was the only other thing she had with her... apart from the clothes she was wearing.

     Heart was majorly disappointed that the ball wasn’t particularly anything useful like a map and a compass. She squeezed the water out of her wings.

     Her mouth felt dry. So far, she’d gone for 2 or so days without an ice-cold, refreshing can of Neocola (Mmm..product placement, isn’t it wonderful?) Desperately, she bent down and drunk some sea water. A half hour later, her head begun to spin like she was being cursed by the Court Dancer.

     Talking to herself, she conveyed a joke to her Gormball. “Why did the Crabby petpet blush? Because the sea-weed.”

     It was only a matter of time before she gets rescued. The ironic part of this situation is that she couldn’t fly off the island because her owner clipped her wings and she was built too ponderous to fly.

     She speculated it was better to stay where she was rather than to go trekking through the deep, lush jungles of the Jelly Llama Triangle.

     1 minute later, nothing.

     10 minutes later, nothing.

     12.5 minutes and and one ad break for ‘Asparagus for One’ soup later, nothing.

     She waited and waited, then she started to jump up and down in excitement.

     But who did she see? Was it a Weewoo? No, it was a Faerie Kacheek. Not just any Faerie Kacheek, but a strong, dashing one who just happened to be owned by Heart’s old owner. He flew down to where Heart was, their eyes met for a few seconds, and quickly memories of good times flooded back.

     “I’d thought I would never see you again, Listad!”

     She dropped her glasses and in which then broke on the ground. All her vision went blurry; she bent down like a bobby pin to pick them up.

     “Yeah, mom was going to make me pack my bags and enlist as a soldier in the Meridell War. I refused.” He turned his head and assisted her.

     “This is great, my glasses are broken.”

     “You were absolutely ugly with them on.”

     “Why, thanks a lot! You are supposed to lie through your teeth like most male Neopets do and say I’m beautiful no matter what, or some soppy, mushy stuff to make me feel special,” Heart replied and crossed her arms.

     The Faerie Kacheek swiftly scooped her up, caught her by surprise, and lifted her up onto his wings. She gave him a kiss on the paw in admiration.

     “Thanks, but we have not much time left. It's predicted this part of Mystery Island is going to flood in a hour or so. I came for one last look at this beautiful island before it gets flooded over and turned into a bubbling pit. “

     “So I wasn’t going to be stampeded by tourists or poked by natives to death...

     "Forget it!” She just realised this island was uninhabited by anyone. Goodness, she felt she had stooped to the lowest common dominator.
     Yellow Uni.

     Luckily, Listad found her when he came. Weather forecasters predicted storms, gale force winds, and floods. A slight westly and an unusual, freak reunion in the direction of Mystery Island was not predicted in today’s forecast.

     Is there a happy ending for that subplot line or is there more to the story than that?

Remember to read the FINAL installment of Neopian’s No. 1 Drama ‘All My Clichés’ next week, followed by the three deadly words, to be continued....

Previous Episodes

All My Clichés: Part Two

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