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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 22nd day of Relaxing, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 127 > Articles > The N00binator's Guide to the Galaxy

The N00binator's Guide to the Galaxy

by 666_devilsrock_666

BATTLEDOME, SECRET N00BINATOR'S HEADQUARTERS* - Do you like beating up pets weaker than you? Have you got so much NP that you use codestones to play marbles and make paper planes out of map pieces? Are you just plain bored and need entertainment? If you answered yes to all, most, some or even none of these questions, n00bination is for you!

For those of you who don't know what a n00binator is, I have especially gone to the trouble of preparing a definition for you… *drumroll*

n00binator /NOO-bee-nay-tuh/ noun
A person, animal, Neopet (most common form of n00binator), alien or life form otherwise unidentified, who has low/average level stats, but extremely powerful weapons. N00binators take special pleasure in obliterating fellow unsuspecting low/average level stat pets, who have not-so-good weapons, usually owned by newbies.

Now that you all know what a n00binator is, you might be thinking, Why on earth would someone want to have a n00binator pet instead of spending the NP on training up a super-strong-nearly-impossible-to-beat fighting machine? Well, if you think about it, would a newbie pet accept a challenge from a super-strong-nearly-impossible-to-beat fighting machine? If you think the answer is yes, I suggest you stop reading this article immediately and go see a psychiatrist. The answer, of course, is no; however, the newbie pet would probably accept a challenge from a n00binator, as n00binators look like a newbie pet, although your opponent wont find out they aren't until you battle each other (insert evil laugh here).

Creating a n00binator pet

So you think n00binating is for you? Well, the first step is obviously creating a pet to become your n00binator. Think carefully about the pet you choose: would you like a cute, harmless-looking pet such as an Acara or Jubjub, to lure unsuspecting newbies in with your charm; or would you rather a fierce pet, such as a Grarrl or Skeith, to give your opponent a vicious impression from the start?

A popular n00binating pet choice is the Mynci. It looks neither fierce nor cute, but it is one of the few pets which can be created with 3hp. N00binators often use 3hp pets to do their dirty work, as they are even more underestimated than the average newbie pet, if that's at all possible. Of course, you don't have to have a 3hp n00binator; many people also have semi-n00b pets, which have around 25 to 30 points in each stat group. This is a better choice if you want to fight in wars and don't have a second, stronger pet, as a 3hp pet can only go so far in a war, due to its statistical disadvantage.

Weapons and Strategy of a N00binator

Weapon choice and strategy play crucial parts in n00bination. Some people think that all there is to n00binating is just blasting someone into oblivion. Those people couldn't be more wrong. For example, do you want to fight pets of similar stats to your n00binator, and just use freeze+defence in the first round, and 2 bombs to wipe out your opponent in the second round? Or maybe you'd prefer to verse pets with two or three times your stats, which involves buying more healing and defensive weapons, and thinking out a more complicated strategy. Both options are both fun and entertaining, although the second option is (in my opinion) more satisfying, especially when you beat a pet with over 30 more hit points/strength than yourself. Of course, these aren't the only two strategies involved in n00bination, there are many more -- too many to name in this article.

Keeping your strategy in mind, next you must buy your weapons. Be prepared to spend many millions on these weapons, n00bination does not come at a cheap price. The average n00binator's set contains the following (items in brackets are examples of the weapons in that category):

  • 1 freezing weapon (Hypno Helmet, Freezing Potion)
  • 2 bombs (Honey Potion, Battle Potato, Ghostkerbomb, Fruit Bomb, Faerie Slingshot)
  • 2 or 3 constant attacking weapons (Portable Kiln, Mystery Fruit Bowl, Sword of Skarsden, Ghostkersword, Seasonal Attack Pea, Faerie Slingshot)
  • 1 healing item (Everlasting Crystal Apple, Rod of Dark Nova)
  • 1 or 2 defence items (Downsize!, Thyoras Tear)
The weapons listed above form a basic n00binator's battle set. A basic strategy is as follows:
  • Turn #1: Freeze+Defence (or if you prefer, Freeze+Healing). This makes sure that on your next turn, your opponent can't defend your attack. The defence/healing is important if you want to stay alive.
  • Turn #2: Bomb+Bomb. This turn is fairly self-explanatory…if you were also frozen in the first round, just use your bombs anyway and hope that your opponent doesn't have any good defence items…
  • Turn #3: Constant+Constant or Constant+Healing or Defence+Healing. If your two bombs didn't kill your opponent last round, you have 3 options to choose from. Constant+Constant is for those who are confident that they won't be knocked out in the next turn. Constant+Healing is recommended (especially for 3hp n00binators), as you do damage while healing at the same time, and if your Constant weapon is a Faerie Slingshot, it also has a 1 in 3 chance of doing some major damage. Defence+Healing is only for those who are really in trouble.
  • Turn #4 and onwards: Repeat Turn #3. Try interchanging between different Constant weapons (that is, if you have enough of them) to try and get past any defense items your opponent might be using.
Of course, there are many variations to the weapons and strategies listed above, these are just the ones that I find to be the most common.

An interview with... A real live (ex-)n00binator!

After 1 hour, 39 minutes, 6 seconds and 52 milliseconds, I had finally found someone to interview for this article. Not being able to find an actual n00binator to interview (they were probably all hiding from me), I settled for the next best thing, an ex-n00binator. Here follows my interesting yet educational chat with ex-n00binator forgotten_acorn. (Note: All parts of our conversation not related to n00bination has been cut out. Rest assured that you are not missing out on much.)

Me: Why did you become a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: It gives you a new challenge in Neo, which constantly gets harder to find these days. There is also nothing sweeter than beating someone with three and four times your hit points when they think they are going to kill you instantly.

Me: Around how much did it cost altogether?
Forgotten_acorn: Depends on lots of different factors. There are several different strategies to low-level fighting. Some think you should freeze first and then kill in the next turn. That's good and dandy, but what happens if both your Faerie Slingshots do the minimum amount of icons and you end up doing 15 damage? That's where the really fun (and strategy) comes in. Some try to go for a second freeze and hope their weapons are cooperative, while others don't even concentrate on freezing in the first place, but doing the maximum amount of damage while still maintaining their health. Strategy should be the first thing that is decided upon before weapons and pets and other things. If you want to freeze and bomb, you could buy a Hypno Helmet, Downsize!, Honey Potion, and a Snowball Slingshot (or something similar) and probably do enough damage to kill them after freezing and defending on the first turn. This is probably the cheapest route. A little more expense would be the same items as before, but an Everlasting Crystal Apple (or the Everlasting Crystal Apple could replace the Hypno Helmet). Then you would most likely use the Everlasting Crystal Apple every turn as to heal 30 hit points which can heal lost hit points or buffer the attacks. Price can be varied greatly between strategies.

Me: What weapons did you use?
Forgotten_acorn: I have always liked the combination of Hypno Helmet and Downsize! with defend on the first turn, following up with dual Faerie Slingshots to kill them when they are frozen. If they freeze me at the same time, I always have an Everlasting Crystal Apple (first weapon purchase in set) to heal and follow up with another Faerie Slingshot attack.

Me: What was the most important weapon?
Forgotten_acorn: Once again, it depends. Hypno Helmets (or other freezes) and Everlasting Crystal Apple or Rod of Super/Dark Nova (or other healings) are good to have. I think one of the best (and most fun) weapons to have is a good bomb weapon. Low-level fighters have low stats all the way around, so to make up for the little damage per icon that is going to normally be released, a Faerie Slingshot can do a ton of icons. In a way, a Faerie Slingshot can even out the strength boost versus icons disadvantage that all low-level pets face.

Me: What in your opinion is the best thing about being a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: The shocking (and sometimes rude) remarks and Neomails you get from the people can make you really feel like you accomplished something. It's great when they never expected what was coming.

Me: What in your opinion is the worst thing about being a n00binator?
Forgotten_acorn: This is a tie. One of times that being a low-level pet can be a major disadvantage is in a war. As you beat more and more enemies, you come to a point where can no longer win battlers because of your pet's low hit points. This can sometimes persuade users to make their pets "mini-n00bs" where they have about 100hp instead of 10. This also happens when users have a set that they are comfortable with.
The other bad thing about being a low-level fighter is losing it all. When an account is taken, it is easier for them to take rare and expensive items (a low-level pet's life force) and transfer them to different accounts rather than having to abandon a pet and get it in another account. Most players build pet and set evenly, while low-level fighters just have the set.

Me: Thanks for your time.

There you have it folks, your firsthand guide to n00bination. Whether you choose to run out and create n00binator right now, or rip up this article into a thousand little pieces and mix it with dung to fertilise your Neogarden with it, (although I don't see how you can do that, seeing as The Neopian Times is a newspaper on your computer…) I don't really care, but I hope that you all have learnt something in your reading of this article. This is 666_devilsrock_666, wishing you good n00binating and signing out!

* There is no confirmation as yet that the 'Secret N00binator's Headquarters' exist in the Battledome area. This place is possibly and probably a figment of the author's imagination. The author of this article will take no responsibility for any damage which may occur in the pursuit of this location.

Author's Note: If you have any questions or comments, please Neomail me. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks to everyone at Battledome Chat for helping me out, and a HUGE thanks to forgotten_acorn for letting me interview you.

No chickens were harmed in the making of this article.

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