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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 17th day of Sleeping, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 121 > Continuing Series > Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Five

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Five

by erika_idle

The Super Authors were sitting in cozy armchairs in the Library Faerie's book shop. The Library Faerie sighed. "He's back," was all she said.

     "Who?" asked Albert the Chia. "Who's back?"

     "Him," she answered.

     "But... who's him? Where is he? Did he take Jay and Spot? What's going on?" cried Rosie the Ixi and Harriet the Aisha.

     The Library Faerie held up her hands to calm the four Super Authors down. "Calm down, I shall answer your questions one at a time. But first, I must tell you a story. Sit back, relax... the story begins on a cold dreary... Thursday.

     "I was just a growing Faerie, with no special powers, and thick glasses that were the punchline of every joke in my class. I was taught by Fyora the Queen Faerie herself, you know."

     "Really? She must be ancient if she taught you!" Sebastian said, earning himself a poke in the ribs from Rosie.

     The Library Faerie smiled. "Yes, she has been around for a long, long time. But that is not my point. I was a young Faerie, and was in reading class one day. I was the first to discover the powers... the powers that resided in the written word. Few people have the talent. The talent is strong in you four. You learn quickly. You have active imaginations. You can make short, meaningless words come to LIFE. You are true writers!

     "For that Thursday, I learned of the powers of writing. And of the evils that wanted to thwart the true writers of Neopia. Such as George, who you encountered not to long ago, and his army of Writer's Blocks."

     Harriet scratched her head with her ears. "Is George behind all of this, then?"

     "No. I know not the name of this evil. He is common, though, mostly in the human population of Neopia. I know of the green gas terror that you have told me about, also. It is called... the Chatspeaker's haze."

     "The Chatspeaker's haze? Can you cure it?" asked Sebastian.

     "Well, it's not so much a disease as a terror. It befuddles, baffles, and confuses. What makes it really horrible is, in fact, the chatspeaking. You begin to talk as if you have no mind, as if you are only a slobbering, drooling, being, with no common sense."

     "How does that differ from normally slobbering, drooling beings?" Albert said, casting a glance at Harriet.

     "Believe me, you can tell."

     Harriet looked smugly at Albert.

     The Library Faerie continued. "The green gas that you saw was emitted by a member of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions."

     "That's a mouthful," Harriet said.

     "But it makes for an cool acronym," Albert replied.

     The Library Faerie cleared her throat to restore order and continued. "Yes, chatspeaking is one of the most deadly weapons used by the Chatspeaking Instigators. It is rumored, however, that an even more deadly weapon resides in the headquarters of this awful group of creatures. It is said that it has the power to make even the most brilliant person as dumb as a stalk of asparagus. It attacks the mind, the abilities, and the senses."

     "Sounds a bit like Harriet's singing," Sebastian muttered.

     Harriet glared at the Lupe. "I'm a good singer."

     Albert hastily turned his laugh into a hacking cough.

     "What, so I'm NOT a good singer?" Harriet whined.

     "I prefer something more harmonic myself, like the prolonged death rattle of a Skeith suffering from pestilent flatulence," Albert added.

     The Lupe and the Chia went into hysterics, and the Library Faerie had to clear her throat several times before the group quieted. "As I was saying, chatspeaking might be the least of your troubles. Neopia needs you. Spot needs you. Jay needs you."

     Sebastian stood up. "So what are we waiting for? Let's get a move on! Jay needs us!"

     "And Spot!"

     "And Spot!" Sebastian added.

     "And the entire population of Neopia!"

     "Oh, yeah! Forgot about them," Sebastian mumbled.

     Rosie rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the information, Miss Library Faerie. We'll try our best to stop the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions for you and for the writers of Neopia."

     The Library Faerie nodded. "Do you have your weaponry on hand?" she asked.

     Rosie held out her longbow. Harriet pulled out a pretty wand with a star on it. Sebastian reached for his utility belt. Albert whipped out a large piece of machinery from the Space Station that could probably cause the next Tyrannian Land War.

     The Faerie smiled. "Good. I do not know where the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions is, because I cannot make head or tail of this letter I received a few days ago."

     She handed the League a small, crumpled letter. Harriet smoothed it out and read outloud:

     "lybrainie fary- HAHAHA! u shall nver fin d uz! u cannot mak head or tail uv diz ltter so HAHAHA! we r lokated at a plaze deeeeep deeeeeep dn in da grownd zu dere! we r hiden bter dan a grain UV sand. u kin nvr fained uz and u smell lik a frash pailue UV DUNG! i h8 u! HAHAHA!

     LUV (not!!!!) -dunt u wizh u new!"

     Harriet set down the letter.

     The Library Faerie clicked her tongue in amusement. "Ah, so that's what it said. I could only make out the "dung" and the "haha's"," she said.

     "It's okay. An idiot wrote it. If you knew what it said, I'd be worried. You would be at the same level as the idiot. And we all know that if you descend to the same level as an idiot, they just beat you from years of experience. Luckily, we have Harriet to translate for us."

     Harriet stuck her tongue out at Albert.

     The Library Faerie smiled serenely. "You bicker more than the Queen Faerie."

     Rosie paced on the rug in front of the fireplace, mumbling to herself.

     Suddenly, she stopped. "I've got it! The headquarters are buried under the ground of the Lost Desert!"

     "Good thinking, Rosie!"

     Rosie grinned. "Permission to smug mode?" she asked the Library Faerie.

     "Granted."

     Rosie smiled smugly.

     Sebastian rolled his eyes. "C'mon, guys, let's get a move on! There's no time to waste, we have to go save Jay, and Spot, and all the others!"

     "Thanks, Miss Library Faerie!"

     "Thank you!"

     "Bye!"

     The Library Faerie waved them out, and then settled down on her winged armchair. "I hope they know what they are getting themselves into..." she mumbled as she picked up a book and relit her candle.

     The League of Super Authors (Rosie, Sebastian, Albert, and Harriet) flew over the lands of Neopia. Over oceans and islands they flew on their Faerie wings, finally stopping at the large, barren wasteland that was the Lost Desert. The small town of tents and adobe buildings stood next to the river, and on the edge of this river the four flew down and touched land.

     The wind whipped violently at the fur of the four. The sun blinded them. Yet something was different from their last visit, something was missing...

     "Where is everybody?" whispered Rosie, and her voice echoed into the distance.

     The four wandered around on foot through the streets, yet no signs of life were found. Albert looked up at the tall monolith of Coltzan's Shrine. "Let's ask the old King," he said.

     The four rushed up to the sands before the tall shrine. Harriet walked up the closest. "Oh, Coltzan, King of much wisdomosity, generosity, coolosity, hilariosity..."

     Sebastian groaned, and pushed the Aisha out of the way. "COLTZAN! Wake up, you nutty old King! I didn't fly over EONS of pixels of oceans and landscapes for the sand castles!"

     As if on cue, a gigantic ghostly head of a Lupe popped up out of the top of the shrine. "You called?" Coltzan said, rather grumpily.

     "Where is everybody?" Rosie repeated.

     Coltzan scanned his lands. "Hmm... The 7 o'clock Great Pottery Sale?"

     "It's three thirty!"

     "Right... then, I honestly have no idea," Coltzan said, shrugging.

     "Wait, do you hear something?" said Harriet, straining to hear out of one of her four ears. "Yes, I hear something now... it sounds like a great crowd! And it's heading this way!"

     The Super Authors and Coltzan watched as a great clump of creatures in the distance gradually came closer and closer. As they came nearer, they began to notice the stiffness in their gait, and the fact that they were all talking amongst themselves, rather loudly, and in some kind of slurred speech.

     "What are they saying?" Sebastian whispered to Albert.

     "I think they're talking in chatspeak..." he whispered back.

     Indeed, the crowd of owners and pets had come upon the four, and the conversations they were holding amongst themselves seemed very flawed.

     A red Moehog came wandering up to the Super Authors. Harriet drew her breath in sharply. "It's Neowriter!" she hissed at the rest of them.

     "'Sup, yo's?" he said simply.

     "Whew, thankfully he's unaffected," Sebastian muttered to Albert. Albert chuckled.

     "Huh? wut r u talkin abot?" Neowriter asked.

     "Oh, no!" Harriet cried. "The Chatspeaking haze thingy must have gotten him, and the rest of these people! We have GOT to find the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions!"

     "How can you remember all that?" Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

     Harriet shrugged.

     Rosie shook her head. "Never mind that! Neowriter? Do you remember anything about what happened before you saw the Chatspeaking haze? Any persons? People? Dark shadows?" she asked quickly to Neowriter.

     The red Moehog scratched his head. "Uuuuuhhhhh... i dunno. lotsa stuf wuz hapenin, i dunt remembr most UV it. WATE! der wuz a LENNY!"

     "A Lenny?" Albert squealed. "What color?"

     "I dunno, he wuz werin a drk cape," he replied.

     "Where did he go, Neowriter?" asked Harriet.

     Neowriter looked around the Lost Desert. "Dere!" he said, pointing at Coltzan's Shrine.

     The four whipped around. "Coltzan's Shrine?" said Albert. "Could the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions really be buried underneath Coltzan's Shrine?"

     Neowriter blinked. "Huh?"

     "Stay here, Neowriter!" Harriet cried, pulling out her magic wand. "We're going to save Neopia!"

     The rest of the Super Authors pulled out their weapons of choice and walked back to the shrine of the desert king. Harriet looked up at the ghostly figure of the Lupe, who was humming to himself. "Erm, Coltzan? Is there a secret passageway or something you could point us to?"

     Coltzan stopped humming. "Hmm? Hmm. I wouldn't know. You see, my children, this shrine, believe it or not, was built after I died!"

     Rosie and Albert studied Coltzan's face for a traces of sarcasm. There was none to be found. Albert slapped himself.

     "Well, hmm. Let me see, yes, hmm. Well, there was that dark chap wearing a cloak that went by here just a second ago. Hmm, what was his name again?" Coltzan mumbled to himself.

     "The name's not important! Did you see where he went?"

     "Yes, I did! He went down in that secret passageway that was built next to my shrine," Coltzan said proudly.

     Rosie opened and closed her mouth several times. Albert slapped himself in the face again. Sebastian made a sort of squeaky sound that can only be classified as utter disgust.

     Harriet grinned. "Thanks, Coltzan!" she said.

     "Good luck, my children!" he called after them, as they disappeared down the stairs of the secret passageway.

     It was very dark, and very gloomy. The stairs twisted and winded every which way, and mold covered the stone steps, making it exceptionally hard to keep one's balance. For the Super Authors, it was slow going.

     "Ooph! You stepped on my paw, Sebastian!"

     "I'm not Sebastian, I'm Harriet!"

     "Well, Harriet, would you mind NOT STEPPING ON MY PAWS?!"

     "Ouch!"

     "EWW! A yucky Spyder!"

     "Harriet, you moron."

     "It's dark."

     "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

     "That joke is so third chapter."

     "Hey! Why don't we just FLY down to the bottom of the stairs?"

     "NO! HARRIET!"

     But alas, it was too late. The Faerie Aisha spread her wings, knocking Albert off balance. As he went hurdling down the stairs, she began to fly forward, knocking into Sebastian and Rosie. They toppled forward, rolling down the stairs after the Chia. Harriet ran into the ceiling of the staircase, and promptly blacked out, and began to roll down after them.

     They all landed in a messy heap at the bottom of the stairs, where there was nothing but a small stone chamber, lit dimly by torches, and a large, wooden door.

     "Nice going, fur-face," Albert grimaced, pinching a wound.

     "Sorry," she squeaked, regaining consciousness.

     Rosie stood up, brushing her fur back into place. She pressed hard on the door, and surprisingly enough, it gave way and opened with a spooky-sounding creak.

     "That was spooky-sounding," she said, as she filed into the next room.

     The next room looked suspiciously like a dungeon.

     "It's a dungeon!" gasped Harriet.

     I don't know why I even bother...

     "Hey! Guys! LOOK!" yelled Albert, pointing at a large bird cage hanging from the ceiling. Inside the cage was none other than the devilishly handsome red Eyrie called Jay.

     "Jay! We found him! Yay!" cried Harriet.

     "And look! There's Spot!" said Sebastian, pointing at another cage containing a near-hysterical Writer's Block.

     "Yes, you may celebrate now, Super Authors. But the game has only just begun," said a high-pitched squeak from the other end of the dungeon.

     The four whipped around to come face to face with none other than...

To be continued...

Cliffhangers, cliffhangers. You've got to love them. Who's the mysterious Lenny behind all of this conundrum? The question is, will the Super Authors be able to vanquish this new foe? And not to mention Bill! Find out all this in the thrilling last chapter of... Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back!

Previous Episodes

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part One

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Two

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Three

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Four

Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back: Part Six

Week 121 Related Links

The War of the Words
Poets and writers flourish, and one only needs to look in the Deep Catacombs to see that. But have you ever heard the phrase, "For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction?"

by erika_idle



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