|The Super Authors were sitting in cozy armchairs in the
Library Faerie's book shop. The Library Faerie sighed. "He's back," was all she
"Who?" asked Albert the Chia. "Who's back?"
"Him," she answered.
"But... who's him? Where is he? Did he take
Jay and Spot? What's going on?" cried Rosie the Ixi and Harriet the Aisha.
The Library Faerie held up her hands to calm
the four Super Authors down. "Calm down, I shall answer your questions one at
a time. But first, I must tell you a story. Sit back, relax... the story begins
on a cold dreary... Thursday.
"I was just a growing Faerie, with no special
powers, and thick glasses that were the punchline of every joke in my class.
I was taught by Fyora the Queen Faerie herself, you know."
"Really? She must be ancient if she taught you!"
Sebastian said, earning himself a poke in the ribs from Rosie.
The Library Faerie smiled. "Yes, she has been
around for a long, long time. But that is not my point. I was a young Faerie,
and was in reading class one day. I was the first to discover the powers...
the powers that resided in the written word. Few people have the talent. The
talent is strong in you four. You learn quickly. You have active imaginations.
You can make short, meaningless words come to LIFE. You are true writers!
"For that Thursday, I learned of the powers
of writing. And of the evils that wanted to thwart the true writers of Neopia.
Such as George, who you encountered not to long ago, and his army of Writer's
Harriet scratched her head with her ears. "Is
George behind all of this, then?"
"No. I know not the name of this evil. He is
common, though, mostly in the human population of Neopia. I know of the green
gas terror that you have told me about, also. It is called... the Chatspeaker's
"The Chatspeaker's haze? Can you cure it?" asked
"Well, it's not so much a disease as a terror.
It befuddles, baffles, and confuses. What makes it really horrible is, in fact,
the chatspeaking. You begin to talk as if you have no mind, as if you are only
a slobbering, drooling, being, with no common sense."
"How does that differ from normally slobbering,
drooling beings?" Albert said, casting a glance at Harriet.
"Believe me, you can tell."
Harriet looked smugly at Albert.
The Library Faerie continued. "The green gas
that you saw was emitted by a member of the Elite Republic of International
Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions."
"That's a mouthful," Harriet said.
"But it makes for an cool acronym," Albert replied.
The Library Faerie cleared her throat to restore
order and continued. "Yes, chatspeaking is one of the most deadly weapons used
by the Chatspeaking Instigators. It is rumored, however, that an even more deadly
weapon resides in the headquarters of this awful group of creatures. It is said
that it has the power to make even the most brilliant person as dumb as a stalk
of asparagus. It attacks the mind, the abilities, and the senses."
"Sounds a bit like Harriet's singing," Sebastian
Harriet glared at the Lupe. "I'm a good singer."
Albert hastily turned his laugh into a hacking
"What, so I'm NOT a good singer?" Harriet whined.
"I prefer something more harmonic myself, like
the prolonged death rattle of a Skeith suffering from pestilent flatulence,"
The Lupe and the Chia went into hysterics, and
the Library Faerie had to clear her throat several times before the group quieted.
"As I was saying, chatspeaking might be the least of your troubles. Neopia needs
you. Spot needs you. Jay needs you."
Sebastian stood up. "So what are we waiting
for? Let's get a move on! Jay needs us!"
"And Spot!" Sebastian added.
"And the entire population of Neopia!"
"Oh, yeah! Forgot about them," Sebastian mumbled.
Rosie rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the information,
Miss Library Faerie. We'll try our best to stop the Elite Republic of International
Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions for you
and for the writers of Neopia."
The Library Faerie nodded. "Do you have your
weaponry on hand?" she asked.
Rosie held out her longbow. Harriet pulled out
a pretty wand with a star on it. Sebastian reached for his utility belt. Albert
whipped out a large piece of machinery from the Space Station that could probably
cause the next Tyrannian Land War.
The Faerie smiled. "Good. I do not know where
the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators
for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions is, because I cannot make head
or tail of this letter I received a few days ago."
She handed the League a small, crumpled letter.
Harriet smoothed it out and read outloud:
"lybrainie fary- HAHAHA! u shall nver fin d
uz! u cannot mak head or tail uv diz ltter so HAHAHA! we r lokated at a plaze
deeeeep deeeeeep dn in da grownd zu dere! we r hiden bter dan a grain UV sand.
u kin nvr fained uz and u smell lik a frash pailue UV DUNG! i h8 u! HAHAHA!
LUV (not!!!!) -dunt u wizh u new!"
Harriet set down the letter.
The Library Faerie clicked her tongue in amusement.
"Ah, so that's what it said. I could only make out the "dung" and the "haha's","
"It's okay. An idiot wrote it. If you knew what
it said, I'd be worried. You would be at the same level as the idiot. And we
all know that if you descend to the same level as an idiot, they just beat you
from years of experience. Luckily, we have Harriet to translate for us."
Harriet stuck her tongue out at Albert.
The Library Faerie smiled serenely. "You bicker
more than the Queen Faerie."
Rosie paced on the rug in front of the fireplace,
mumbling to herself.
Suddenly, she stopped. "I've got it! The headquarters
are buried under the ground of the Lost Desert!"
"Good thinking, Rosie!"
Rosie grinned. "Permission to smug mode?" she
asked the Library Faerie.
Rosie smiled smugly.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "C'mon, guys, let's
get a move on! There's no time to waste, we have to go save Jay, and Spot, and
all the others!"
"Thanks, Miss Library Faerie!"
The Library Faerie waved them out, and then
settled down on her winged armchair. "I hope they know what they are getting
themselves into..." she mumbled as she picked up a book and relit her candle.
The League of Super Authors (Rosie, Sebastian,
Albert, and Harriet) flew over the lands of Neopia. Over oceans and islands
they flew on their Faerie wings, finally stopping at the large, barren wasteland
that was the Lost Desert. The small town of tents and adobe buildings stood
next to the river, and on the edge of this river the four flew down and touched
The wind whipped violently at the fur of the
four. The sun blinded them. Yet something was different from their last visit,
something was missing...
"Where is everybody?" whispered Rosie, and her
voice echoed into the distance.
The four wandered around on foot through the
streets, yet no signs of life were found. Albert looked up at the tall monolith
of Coltzan's Shrine. "Let's ask the old King," he said.
The four rushed up to the sands before the tall
shrine. Harriet walked up the closest. "Oh, Coltzan, King of much wisdomosity,
generosity, coolosity, hilariosity..."
Sebastian groaned, and pushed the Aisha out
of the way. "COLTZAN! Wake up, you nutty old King! I didn't fly over EONS of
pixels of oceans and landscapes for the sand castles!"
As if on cue, a gigantic ghostly head of a Lupe
popped up out of the top of the shrine. "You called?" Coltzan said, rather grumpily.
"Where is everybody?" Rosie repeated.
Coltzan scanned his lands. "Hmm... The 7 o'clock
Great Pottery Sale?"
"It's three thirty!"
"Right... then, I honestly have no idea," Coltzan
"Wait, do you hear something?" said Harriet,
straining to hear out of one of her four ears. "Yes, I hear something now...
it sounds like a great crowd! And it's heading this way!"
The Super Authors and Coltzan watched as a great
clump of creatures in the distance gradually came closer and closer. As they
came nearer, they began to notice the stiffness in their gait, and the fact
that they were all talking amongst themselves, rather loudly, and in some kind
of slurred speech.
"What are they saying?" Sebastian whispered
"I think they're talking in chatspeak..." he
Indeed, the crowd of owners and pets had come
upon the four, and the conversations they were holding amongst themselves seemed
A red Moehog came wandering up to the Super
Authors. Harriet drew her breath in sharply. "It's Neowriter!" she hissed at
the rest of them.
"'Sup, yo's?" he said simply.
"Whew, thankfully he's unaffected," Sebastian
muttered to Albert. Albert chuckled.
"Huh? wut r u talkin abot?" Neowriter asked.
"Oh, no!" Harriet cried. "The Chatspeaking haze
thingy must have gotten him, and the rest of these people! We have GOT to find
the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International Chatspeaking Instigators
for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions!"
"How can you remember all that?" Sebastian said,
raising an eyebrow.
Rosie shook her head. "Never mind that! Neowriter?
Do you remember anything about what happened before you saw the Chatspeaking
haze? Any persons? People? Dark shadows?" she asked quickly to Neowriter.
The red Moehog scratched his head. "Uuuuuhhhhh...
i dunno. lotsa stuf wuz hapenin, i dunt remembr most UV it. WATE! der wuz a
"A Lenny?" Albert squealed. "What color?"
"I dunno, he wuz werin a drk cape," he replied.
"Where did he go, Neowriter?" asked Harriet.
Neowriter looked around the Lost Desert. "Dere!"
he said, pointing at Coltzan's Shrine.
The four whipped around. "Coltzan's Shrine?"
said Albert. "Could the headquarters of the Elite Republic of International
Chatspeaking Instigators for the Destruction of Legitimate Expressions really
be buried underneath Coltzan's Shrine?"
Neowriter blinked. "Huh?"
"Stay here, Neowriter!" Harriet cried, pulling
out her magic wand. "We're going to save Neopia!"
The rest of the Super Authors pulled out their
weapons of choice and walked back to the shrine of the desert king. Harriet
looked up at the ghostly figure of the Lupe, who was humming to himself. "Erm,
Coltzan? Is there a secret passageway or something you could point us to?"
Coltzan stopped humming. "Hmm? Hmm. I wouldn't
know. You see, my children, this shrine, believe it or not, was built after
Rosie and Albert studied Coltzan's face for
a traces of sarcasm. There was none to be found. Albert slapped himself.
"Well, hmm. Let me see, yes, hmm. Well, there
was that dark chap wearing a cloak that went by here just a second ago. Hmm,
what was his name again?" Coltzan mumbled to himself.
"The name's not important! Did you see where
"Yes, I did! He went down in that secret passageway
that was built next to my shrine," Coltzan said proudly.
Rosie opened and closed her mouth several times.
Albert slapped himself in the face again. Sebastian made a sort of squeaky sound
that can only be classified as utter disgust.
Harriet grinned. "Thanks, Coltzan!" she said.
"Good luck, my children!" he called after them,
as they disappeared down the stairs of the secret passageway.
It was very dark, and very gloomy. The stairs
twisted and winded every which way, and mold covered the stone steps, making
it exceptionally hard to keep one's balance. For the Super Authors, it was slow
"Ooph! You stepped on my paw, Sebastian!"
"I'm not Sebastian, I'm Harriet!"
"Well, Harriet, would you mind NOT STEPPING
ON MY PAWS?!"
"EWW! A yucky Spyder!"
"Harriet, you moron."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."
"That joke is so third chapter."
"Hey! Why don't we just FLY down to the bottom
of the stairs?"
But alas, it was too late. The Faerie Aisha
spread her wings, knocking Albert off balance. As he went hurdling down the
stairs, she began to fly forward, knocking into Sebastian and Rosie. They toppled
forward, rolling down the stairs after the Chia. Harriet ran into the ceiling
of the staircase, and promptly blacked out, and began to roll down after them.
They all landed in a messy heap at the bottom
of the stairs, where there was nothing but a small stone chamber, lit dimly
by torches, and a large, wooden door.
"Nice going, fur-face," Albert grimaced, pinching
"Sorry," she squeaked, regaining consciousness.
Rosie stood up, brushing her fur back into place.
She pressed hard on the door, and surprisingly enough, it gave way and opened
with a spooky-sounding creak.
"That was spooky-sounding," she said, as she
filed into the next room.
The next room looked suspiciously like a dungeon.
"It's a dungeon!" gasped Harriet.
I don't know why I even bother...
"Hey! Guys! LOOK!" yelled Albert, pointing at
a large bird cage hanging from the ceiling. Inside the cage was none other than
the devilishly handsome red Eyrie called Jay.
"Jay! We found him! Yay!" cried Harriet.
"And look! There's Spot!" said Sebastian, pointing
at another cage containing a near-hysterical Writer's Block.
"Yes, you may celebrate now, Super Authors.
But the game has only just begun," said a high-pitched squeak from the other
end of the dungeon.
The four whipped around to come face to face
with none other than...
To be continued...
Cliffhangers, cliffhangers. You've got to love them. Who's the mysterious
Lenny behind all of this conundrum? The question is, will the Super Authors
be able to vanquish this new foe? And not to mention Bill! Find out all this
in the thrilling last chapter of... Jay and the Super Authors Strike Back!