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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 18th day of Gathering, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 109 > Articles > Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious: Princess Fernypoo

Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious: Princess Fernypoo

by wolfofthewoods

PRINCESS FERNYPOO'S CASTLE - Hi there, ladies and gentlepets, and welcome to yet another issue of Lifestyles, sponsored by The Neopian Times Appreciation Guild. Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Wolf(ofthewoods), coming to you from Neopia Central. This week, I will be interviewing none other than the very lovely Princess Fernypoo.

My short leather boots clunk unusually loudly on the pavement as I near the great golden gate which separates Princess Fernypoo’s castle from the rest of Neopia. It’s surrounded by exquisitely trimmed hedges, and a large, curled “F” is engraved at the gate’s head.

I peer through the bars: a perfectly groomed lawn is spread like butter for what seemed like miles around the long, cobblestone drive. At the end stands a most incredible building. Huge ivory pillars support a curved, pale pink roof. The house itself is an extremely light rose color. Vines spring up from the turf and entwine themselves around windowsills and balconies, and an ivory trim borders every corner.

I just can’t take my eyes off the palatial structure. It very much reminds me of my Pet Fawlkson’s old Usuki dream house. Patting my notebook as if to reassure it, I tentatively jab a small button on one of the bars. There is a moment of static, and then a male, baritone voice speaks curtly from a inside hidden speaker,

“Ah, you must be the reporter from The Neopian Times. Wolf, is it?” I nod; remember he can’t see me; clear my throat.

“Yes,” I state firmly, tightly clutching my notepad and Faerie pen.

“Wonderful. The Princess eagerly awaits her interview.”

I smile nervously. “And I’m very eager to meet my interviewee.”

A loud creak . The golden gates swing open. I catch my breath, as the incredible scene’s full impact hits me full on. Wow. My NeoHome looks like the Meridell dump in comparison to Princess Fernypoo’s expansive mansion.

I march with a fraud sense of confidence up to the huge double-doors. Inhaling deeply, I reach out a finger to press the doorbell… The doors burst open, and there stands a very excited Princess Fernypoo.

Her pink satin dress has a plain elegance to it, and her sapphire fur glimmers in the sunlight. I force the biggest smile I can, and stick my hand out. She shakes it vigorously with her white-gloved paw and drags me into the entrance hall. Spiraling staircases wind up into the higher breaches of the palace. The hallway itself is vast, with marbled floors and huge, flowering plants. She hurries me into a room off to the side, which is quite obviously the living room. The walls are decked with portraits of the Princess herself, and an assortment of Cheat! trophies litter the mantelpiece.

The Princess hitches up her skirt and plunks down into a violet chintz armchair. She smiles ravishingly at me with pure white teeth and snaps her slender fingers. At once, a tuxedo-clad Kacheek strides into the room, bearing a tray of tea and an assortment of cookies and cakes. Fernypoo smirks, thanks him, and snatches a cup of strawberry butter tea and a jam scone. It doesn’t take me long to decipher that everything on the plate is at least partially pink.

I help myself to a cup of Thornberry tea. Smiling nervously, I flip open my notepad and click open my pen.

Wolf: “Thanks so much for letting me interview you, Princess Fernypoo. I’m Wolf, or Wolfofthewoods,” I start off, taking a mouthful of snowberry delight and swallowing the tasty cake. Princess Fernypoo nods, grinning.

Fernypoo: “Sure, Wolf. I love being written about.” She curls her blue locks of silky fur between her fingers. “So, what questions would you like me to answer?”

I glance at my notes.

Wolf: “Well, le’see… in a piece about you in Neopedia, I’ve read this, ‘As a young Cheat! player in her father's castle, the Princess gained a great deal of confidence by defeating all the royal subjects. It wasn't until later that she learned her father had instructed his servants to lose, stating strictly that anyone who beat the Princess would find themselves at the bottom of the royal moat. Much to the king's surprise, one day his daughter announced at dinner that she would soon be leaving the Royal Estate, in hopes of seeking her fortune as a professional Cheat! player.’” I hand her the slip of paper on which I had copied this down. “What or who inspired you to become a serious Cheat! player?”

Fernypoo pursed her rosy lips.

Fernypoo: “I suppose it was to spite my father. A silly old fool, him, to do that to his beloved daughter.” She flips her ears and shrugs her slender shoulders. “I also loved watching Cheat! games my subjects played against the infamous Spectre. Quite a character, that Jetsam.” She grinds her teeth.

Wolf: “Yes, yes… oh my, I forgot…” I filch the Fountainpenfish bought for me by my pet Renigam and grin as I balance it on its point. “Okay. Now, why do you pursue your goal of becoming the topmost Cheat! player?”

The Princess pauses and considers this for a moment.

Princess Fernypoo: “Once again, I think it’s mostly to prove my father wrong.” The pen scrawls across the page swiftly, with no need of my fingers to support it.

Wolf: “So you have quite a bone to pick with him? When was the last time the two of you crossed paths?”

Princess Fernypoo: “Oh. Well, since you asked, you should know that I no longer speak to father,” she replies with distaste.

Wolf: “I see. Has the King attempted to contact you over the years?”

Fernypoo: “No, not that I know of. I suppose he could have, though, but I just tell Butler not to tell me if he ever does.”

Wolf: “You really are quite angry with him. So how did you gain such wealth?” I sweep a hand across her living room.

Fernypoo: “Oh. This?” she asks, incredulous. “Just pocket money.”

My mouth hangs agape. The Princess giggles.

Wolf: “Right. Well, moving on... for as long as I can remember, Neopedia has said that you are fourteen years of age. How old are you?”

Fernypoo looks slightly taken aback.

Fernypoo: “Fourteen.” She says this with a bite of finality.

Wolf: “Really? You're very mature,” I lie, biting my tongue to keep from laughing out loud.

She grins and inclines her head vigorously.

Fernypoo: “Yes, I suppose,” she says coolly, glancing down at her manicured hot-pink nails as if she got complements like that all the time. I can see she is glowing inwardly.

Wolf: “Is there anything in particular you'd like the more... primitive Neopians to know about yourself?”

Fernypoo: “I want them to know that they shouldn't feel bad about being poor,” she coos sympathetically. I could have slapped her for that one.

Wolf:“That's very… kind of you, Princess Fernypoo,” I reply through clenched teeth.

Fernypoo: “I have Cheat! practice now,” she quips, glancing at her metallic pink watch.

Wolf: “Sure.” I shake her hand, which makes mine seem extremely large.

Fernypoo: “Anytime,” she responds sweetly, sipping her tea -- her pinkie jutted out at the side.

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