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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 15th day of Sleeping, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 108 > Articles > Your Not-So Fool-Proof Guide to the NeoBoards

Your Not-So Fool-Proof Guide to the NeoBoards

by bcmel2

NEOBOARDS - Between the Explore and Games buttons on the yellow bar is a mystical button of power. A button so powerful that it has caused sane men to exit it gibbering. A button so powerful it has caused veterans to be turned back into newbies. A button so powerful it has caused people to run home covered in poke-marks. This button is simply: the chat button.

However, despite all these weird things that can happen to you on the chat boards, officially known as the NeoBoards, they can be quite a fun place once you get used to them. You can actually have a chance to make some cool friends. And though the NeoBoards may seem frightful at first, don't worry. The people on there don't bite. Except for a few, anyway. Or… for the sake of accuracy, make that a lot. Actually, to be completely accurate, make that almost 100% biting monsters. But don't worry, if they're in a good mood they'll just poke you.

So let's get down to brass tacks and go over the different boards, people, and terms you'll find on there. Just try not to sit on those tacks, okay? That could be quite painful.

And so, in no particularly meaningful order, here are the ones I either felt like doing, felt deserved a mention, or was bribed to do…

Battledome

Description: Okay, I lied about them being in no particular order. This is by far my favorite board. It's really full of great, and weird people, like myself. You can often see me there, if you show up. People on the board often talk about restocking, bragging about what rare items they have just restocked in order to make you, specifically you, eternally jealous. It's really quite fun, though, and despite a few annoyances most of the people have a sense of humor and sarcasm. Just when you go, watch out for biting fish, and make sure not to call anyone n00bs or they'll annoy you all the way back to your computer's desktop.

Local Rituals (contests and activities): One fun activity that takes place is called "soul selling". In this, one person will place their soul (usually a soul stone, but sometimes some other item that represents them) in the auctions, and people will actually bid NP on it. It's rather stupid, but quite fun - I've seen some crazy people bid on souls for over 15,000 NP. The winner of the auction and the seller of their soul post in their user lookup about who owns the soul. Another native ritual is called "Pass the Plushie", which is pointless yet fun. A plushie is chosen, and then using FTP (First To Post) or Random Poster boards, the plushie is passed around, and the original owner of the plushie keeps track of how far it gets. And finally, the Battledome Chat rejoices in the creating pointless guilds. Trust me, you don't want to know about some of the ones these guys have thought up.

What they're saying about the Battledome Chat:
For each board, I will interview its inhabitants ("regs") and report on how they reply, including all the marvelous grammatical deficiencies. So, here goes for the first one.

Bcmel2: Why do you like the BD Board?
Mightywah: Because despite its craziness, it's the sanest chat board on NeoPets. o.o
Saebra: eh... if I try and talk to my friends off of Neo about stuff here, they look at me funny... o_O and all the other boards don't like me >_> so you guys are stuck with me... WAH HAHA... old lady Neopia strikes again! *BaMF!*
Selphie_tilmitt: IT TASTES LIKE RAINBOWS!
Drayma: Cuz no-one else will talk to me!
Dimillusionz: I prefer the Battledome board out all the others because it has a definite advantage of making friends that have the same interests as you. Knuckles_2001: coz all the other boards are boring
Kittilover88: I don't even do the Battledome, but I lyk 2 hear 'bout restocking stuff, and this is the best place 2 find it!
Mancow123: BECAUSE THE CLUCK CLUCK MOO SAYS FRIENDS ARE MADE HERE!
If you're still sane after reading all that, you can clearly see that… umm… actually, I don't think I drew any conclusions from that. Oh well. Moving on.

General Chat

There are two rules about visiting the General Chat board. Here they are, in pure numerical order.

1. Don't.
2. See rule one.

Get it? Got it? Good. Moving on.

NeoQuest + NeoQuest II

Description: Ahh, the NeoQuest board. This is also a pretty nice board. The people here are rather friendly, except for their somewhat odd habits of frying monsters found in the NeoQuest game, especially fire imps. Mmm… imp steak. Anyhow, the NeoQuest board (which will now be referred to as the NQ board) is a rarity in that many of the messages on it are actually about NeoQuest! On the board you can find people asking for advice about NeoQuest, people giving advice about NeoQuest, and people just chatting about nothing in particular (as with most boards). It's less active than the other boards, unfortunately, but it does have some nice people on it. However, if you visit, make sure to not confuse the NQ board with the Quests board, on which you can get help about Faerie quests. Because if you come onto the board asking about where you can get a Blue Short Hair Brush, the local tribesmen may just decide to cook you rather than the fire imps. Of course, that was a joke. I think.

Native Rituals: The first and foremost native ritual is saying "Hi!" or "*walks in*" every time you enter the board. The second and secondmost (which I don't think is even a word) important ritual is to say "Bye!" or "*walks out*" whenever you exit the board. The third and thirdmost (which I'm sure is not a word) important ritual is to post something pointless at least once every thirty seconds, like "*pokes you*" or "*pokes board" or "*pokes Pile of Dung and gets finger smelly*". And then, the fourthmost, fifthmost, and sixthmost (which are utterly ridiculous) important rituals are to post a board each time you are about to go against a boss in NeoQuest, to post a board when you begin fighting the same boss in NeoQuest, and to post a third separate board for when you beat the boss. Yes, my friends, they do things a little strangely in the NQ board.

What they're saying about the NeoQuest Board:
So, let's see how the locals like the board they reside in.

Bcmel2: What do you like about the NeoQuest board?
Dragonic_crystal: Um… it's dead.
Lethal_damage_return: this was my second choice, and I like it here better, cause the people actually listen to u. not sayin that the BD people are mean, it's just that if you have a silly question, they won't answer it, but here, if u ask, what NeoQuest, it's answered.
Sciencetv: I like it because It doesn't Have many boards that spam, or break the rules. I just came here from the help board, and found many friends, and like it here better, along with I like NeoQuest.
Penguinlover258: To me it's because it's a much slower board than all of the others; things don't get completely chaotic very often nor is it very difficult to keep track of a board. Why I first came to this board was by pure chance; I was looking at the chat boards and I decided to click on the NeoQuest one. Why I, for one, stay there is because I know a lot of people and friends there, and I've been here for a long time, and being at NQ seems normal for me; I like it there. It's a very fun place to be.

There weren't any other responses, even though I waited like 10 minutes or something. As I said, the NQ board is often quite dormant. And sleepy. Or hibernating. Some of the inhabitants might be bears in disguise, I wouldn't know.

Help

Description: When I decided to do the Help Board as one of the chat boards I covered, I hadn't really been to it much, so I had to wander around on it for a little while. At first, the Help board looks like little more than people asking questions and more people answering them. However, you can see that there is a sort of underground, if you will, community there with a strange obsession for clams, or "clamsession". Yes, you heard me right, clams. I don't know where they got that one from, and quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to.

Native Rituals: I'm not really sure they have many, for a group of prehistoric cavemen. With their obsession for clams, you'd think they would have made a "Clam Power!" guild, or at least a "Warriors of the Clam" guild by now, but nope. They just talk about them - though I guess that counts. And they do giveaways often and actually seem to be… umm… what was that rare word again? It's so rarely applicable that it seems to have slipped my mind now. Wait, I think I have it now. They're ggg… geeeenn… geennerr… yes, that's it! Generic. Or maybe it was some other word. Oh well, it's probably meaningless.

What they're saying about the Help Board:
And here's our not-quite-so-live coverage on the Help Board!

Bcmel2: Why do you like the Help Board?
Loves_cheer
: cuz you can ask questions the help site doesn't know
Hc_huggle: Me? why do I like the help board? Well, i like it cuz there's always something going on. There's an endless cycle of events.
Lilypearly: Cuz it's entertaining... weird people are always entertaining. And it's most fun when someone posts something not appreciated in the HC, and get all mad and defensive when they're told to go away or posting on the wrong board...
Emeraldkokoro: Because everyone on here is really cool and nice, except for the bad people! *kicks bad people*
Sam_the_clammed_one: i like the help board because i can ask about how to solve my clam obsession.
Ponyta108: I don't know really I've just always been here and you help people and just talk to people when you're bored or if your stuck on a game you can just ask and people answer
Lunia_l: Because you can come here if you need help, and there's usually always a nice person who will help you.
Fruitopiansg: Most people are very nice, and generous and are just here to have fun! If people need help, we help them... if they don't, we include them in conversations about anything!
Spusa: Back when I first started I had no idea what to do. Then later on when I had so much to do, and couldn't decide what I should do, I came here for advice. Now I am here, just having fun, watching others go through what I have. And then there are the learning experiences from others mistakes that you can not find on any other chat!
Bluemagick: Weird people. I like weird people. Weird people are nice XD; ... And I like to Help people. I like helping people. Helping people is nice. o_o;

As you can see, they like clams and they're weird. That's about all I've managed to conclude from that bunch of gibberish.

Well, that's all I can cover in one article, since I wrote so much about each board. I hope you enjoyed reading this stupidly pointless article and that it was a bit funny in its stupidly pointless way. Perhaps you can use it to guide yourself through the NeoBoards. Or not, because it is stupidly pointless.

This article was brought to you by the number 8, the letter B. Oh, and special thanks to all the lots of people who were quoted above. There are way too many to list here, though.


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