Your Not-So Fool-Proof Guide to the NeoBoards
NEOBOARDS - Between the Explore and Games buttons on the yellow bar is a mystical
button of power. A button so powerful that it has caused sane men to exit it gibbering.
A button so powerful it has caused veterans to be turned back into newbies. A
button so powerful it has caused people to run home covered in poke-marks. This
button is simply: the chat button.
However, despite all these weird things that can happen to you on the chat
boards, officially known as the NeoBoards, they can be quite a fun place once
you get used to them. You can actually have a chance to make some cool friends.
And though the NeoBoards may seem frightful at first, don't worry. The people
on there don't bite. Except for a few, anyway. Or… for the sake of accuracy,
make that a lot. Actually, to be completely accurate, make that almost 100%
biting monsters. But don't worry, if they're in a good mood they'll just poke
So let's get down to brass tacks and go over the different boards, people,
and terms you'll find on there. Just try not to sit on those tacks, okay? That
could be quite painful.
And so, in no particularly meaningful order, here are the ones I either felt
like doing, felt deserved a mention, or was bribed to do…
Description: Okay, I lied about them being in no particular order.
This is by far my favorite board. It's really full of great, and weird people,
like myself. You can often see me there, if you show up. People on the board
often talk about restocking, bragging about what rare items they have just restocked
in order to make you, specifically you, eternally jealous. It's really quite
fun, though, and despite a few annoyances most of the people have a sense of
humor and sarcasm. Just when you go, watch out for biting fish, and make sure
not to call anyone n00bs or they'll annoy you all the way back to your computer's
Local Rituals (contests and activities): One fun activity that takes
place is called "soul selling". In this, one person will place their soul (usually
a soul stone, but sometimes some other item that represents them) in the auctions,
and people will actually bid NP on it. It's rather stupid, but quite fun - I've
seen some crazy people bid on souls for over 15,000 NP. The winner of the auction
and the seller of their soul post in their user lookup about who owns the soul.
Another native ritual is called "Pass the Plushie", which is pointless yet fun.
A plushie is chosen, and then using FTP (First To Post) or Random Poster boards,
the plushie is passed around, and the original owner of the plushie keeps track
of how far it gets. And finally, the Battledome Chat rejoices in the creating
pointless guilds. Trust me, you don't want to know about some of the ones these
guys have thought up.
What they're saying about the Battledome Chat:
For each board, I will interview its inhabitants ("regs") and report on how
they reply, including all the marvelous grammatical deficiencies. So, here goes
for the first one.
Bcmel2: Why do you like the BD Board?
Mightywah: Because despite its craziness, it's the sanest chat board
on NeoPets. o.o
Saebra: eh... if I try and talk to my friends off of Neo about stuff
here, they look at me funny... o_O and all the other boards don't like me >_>
so you guys are stuck with me... WAH HAHA... old lady Neopia strikes again!
Selphie_tilmitt: IT TASTES LIKE RAINBOWS!
Drayma: Cuz no-one else will talk to me!
Dimillusionz: I prefer the Battledome board out all the others because
it has a definite advantage of making friends that have the same interests as
you. Knuckles_2001: coz all the other boards are boring
Kittilover88: I don't even do the Battledome, but I lyk 2 hear 'bout
restocking stuff, and this is the best place 2 find it!
Mancow123: BECAUSE THE CLUCK CLUCK MOO SAYS FRIENDS ARE MADE HERE!
If you're still sane after reading all that, you can clearly see that… umm…
actually, I don't think I drew any conclusions from that. Oh well. Moving on.
There are two rules about visiting the General Chat board. Here they are, in
pure numerical order.
2. See rule one.
Get it? Got it? Good. Moving on.
NeoQuest + NeoQuest II
Description: Ahh, the NeoQuest board. This is also a pretty nice board.
The people here are rather friendly, except for their somewhat odd habits of
frying monsters found in the NeoQuest game, especially fire imps. Mmm… imp steak.
Anyhow, the NeoQuest board (which will now be referred to as the NQ board) is
a rarity in that many of the messages on it are actually about NeoQuest! On
the board you can find people asking for advice about NeoQuest, people giving
advice about NeoQuest, and people just chatting about nothing in particular
(as with most boards). It's less active than the other boards, unfortunately,
but it does have some nice people on it. However, if you visit, make sure to
not confuse the NQ board with the Quests board, on which you can get help about
Faerie quests. Because if you come onto the board asking about where you can
get a Blue Short Hair Brush, the local tribesmen may just decide to cook you
rather than the fire imps. Of course, that was a joke. I think.
Native Rituals: The first and foremost native ritual is saying "Hi!"
or "*walks in*" every time you enter the board. The second and secondmost (which
I don't think is even a word) important ritual is to say "Bye!" or "*walks out*"
whenever you exit the board. The third and thirdmost (which I'm sure is not
a word) important ritual is to post something pointless at least once every
thirty seconds, like "*pokes you*" or "*pokes board" or "*pokes Pile of Dung
and gets finger smelly*". And then, the fourthmost, fifthmost, and sixthmost
(which are utterly ridiculous) important rituals are to post a board each time
you are about to go against a boss in NeoQuest, to post a board when you begin
fighting the same boss in NeoQuest, and to post a third separate board for when
you beat the boss. Yes, my friends, they do things a little strangely in the
What they're saying about the NeoQuest Board:
So, let's see how the locals like the board they reside in.
Bcmel2: What do you like about the NeoQuest board?
Dragonic_crystal: Um… it's dead.
Lethal_damage_return: this was my second choice, and I like it here better,
cause the people actually listen to u. not sayin that the BD people are mean,
it's just that if you have a silly question, they won't answer it, but here,
if u ask, what NeoQuest, it's answered.
Sciencetv: I like it because It doesn't Have many boards that spam, or
break the rules. I just came here from the help board, and found many friends,
and like it here better, along with I like NeoQuest.
Penguinlover258: To me it's because it's a much slower board than all
of the others; things don't get completely chaotic very often nor is it very
difficult to keep track of a board. Why I first came to this board was by pure
chance; I was looking at the chat boards and I decided to click on the NeoQuest
one. Why I, for one, stay there is because I know a lot of people and friends
there, and I've been here for a long time, and being at NQ seems normal for
me; I like it there. It's a very fun place to be.
There weren't any other responses, even though I waited like 10 minutes or
something. As I said, the NQ board is often quite dormant. And sleepy. Or hibernating.
Some of the inhabitants might be bears in disguise, I wouldn't know.
Description: When I decided to do the Help Board as one of the chat boards
I covered, I hadn't really been to it much, so I had to wander around on it
for a little while. At first, the Help board looks like little more than people
asking questions and more people answering them. However, you can see that there
is a sort of underground, if you will, community there with a strange obsession
for clams, or "clamsession". Yes, you heard me right, clams. I don't know where
they got that one from, and quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to.
Native Rituals: I'm not really sure they have many, for a group of prehistoric
cavemen. With their obsession for clams, you'd think they would have made a
"Clam Power!" guild, or at least a "Warriors of the Clam" guild by now, but
nope. They just talk about them - though I guess that counts. And they do giveaways
often and actually seem to be… umm… what was that rare word again? It's so rarely
applicable that it seems to have slipped my mind now. Wait, I think I have it
now. They're ggg… geeeenn… geennerr… yes, that's it! Generic. Or maybe it was
some other word. Oh well, it's probably meaningless.
What they're saying about the Help Board:
And here's our not-quite-so-live coverage on the Help Board!
Bcmel2: Why do you like the Help Board?
Loves_cheer: cuz you can ask questions the help site doesn't know
Hc_huggle: Me? why do I like the help board? Well, i like it cuz there's
always something going on. There's an endless cycle of events.
Lilypearly: Cuz it's entertaining... weird people are always entertaining.
And it's most fun when someone posts something not appreciated in the HC, and
get all mad and defensive when they're told to go away or posting on the wrong
Emeraldkokoro: Because everyone on here is really cool and nice, except
for the bad people! *kicks bad people*
Sam_the_clammed_one: i like the help board because i can ask about how
to solve my clam obsession.
Ponyta108: I don't know really I've just always been here and you help
people and just talk to people when you're bored or if your stuck on a game
you can just ask and people answer
Lunia_l: Because you can come here if you need help, and there's usually
always a nice person who will help you.
Fruitopiansg: Most people are very nice, and generous and are just here
to have fun! If people need help, we help them... if they don't, we include
them in conversations about anything!
Spusa: Back when I first started I had no idea what to do. Then later
on when I had so much to do, and couldn't decide what I should do, I came here
for advice. Now I am here, just having fun, watching others go through what
I have. And then there are the learning experiences from others mistakes that
you can not find on any other chat!
Bluemagick: Weird people. I like weird people. Weird people are nice
XD; ... And I like to Help people. I like helping people. Helping people is
As you can see, they like clams and they're weird. That's about all I've managed
to conclude from that bunch of gibberish.
Well, that's all I can cover in one article, since I wrote so much about each
board. I hope you enjoyed reading this stupidly pointless article and that it
was a bit funny in its stupidly pointless way. Perhaps you can use it to guide
yourself through the NeoBoards. Or not, because it is stupidly pointless.
This article was brought to you by the number 8, the letter B. Oh, and
special thanks to all the lots of people who were quoted above. There are way
too many to list here, though.