NEOPIAN HQ- Hello there, ladies and gentle-Pets, and welcome to issue number
two of “Traveling in Neopia.” This week, we’ll be exploring Neopian tongues.
No, not those slimy, bumpy, pink things in your mouth. I’m talking about languages,
also known as dialect, argot, diction, phraseology, and many other words you’ve
probably not heard of.
Once again, we shall begin from Neopia Central. Here, we speak the more known
language: Neopian. Although the word itself makes it seem that every single
member of the Neopian civilization speaks in this tongue, it is not so. But
here in Neopia Central, the majority of Pets do. Humans, however, verbalize
in a roguish “Neopinglish.”
We writing this piece are all members of Neopia’s original inhabitants, and
therefore we are utterly against all Humanoid behavior, however barbaric or
insulting it may be.
There are many a Pet in Neopia Central who speak the tongues of foreign places
as well as Neopian. They generally have strange accents, depending on what their
primary language is. So if you are visiting this bilingual country, don’t be
afraid to speak to the shop keepers and locals, no matter how obscure your Neopian
Terror Mountain’s dialect consists mostly of normal Neopian, as there aren’t
many inhabitants to speak of, and thus not much reason for having a separate
language to confuse everyone with. You may once in awhile here one of the Ice
Caves’ residents uttering a deep, menacing roar. Although this may frighten
the less adjusted tourists or new home owners, the sound is perfectly normal,
and is simply that of a monstrous ice worm trying to gobble up a foolish Pet
who was undoubtedly making a false attempt to steal said ice worm’s hoard of
If you have arrived from the far breaches of Tyrannia, I highly suggest you
leave immediately, as not only will the cold thoroughly affect your immune system,
you will also be found helpless, and will most likely found yourself in something
known as a “mental institution.”
Tyrannia has an interesting — and perhaps head-throbbing — dialect. Their
speech is made up of a variety of different pronunciations and variations of
the word “ug.” “Ug” is the base word for the also-used “ugga,” “uggaugga,” and
“uggashmugugga.” Beware when trying to haggle a piece of intricately made dung
furniture from the shop keeper in the Jungle, for you may end up paying twice
the demanded price.
Speaking of the Jungle, you should be aware that the meaning of “ugga” seems
to differ from the rocks plains of the Plateau, to the foliage-enclosed Jungle.
If the word “ug” is taken as a compliment near the Giant Omelette, be sure to
slightly alter the pronunciation so as not to insult the Jungle monst— er, inhabitants.
As in our last edition of “Traveling in Neopia,” I’d once again like to warn
you away from becoming a tourist in the satellite that is Virtupets Station.
However, I will, yet again, tell you what to do if you happen to come.
Should you do so, be positively sure to give a maniacal cackle if anyone tells
an “extremely funny” joke, and if you can, parade around the Station with the
ever-moving pack of Grundos, yelling with them in unison, “All hail Doctor Sloth.”
If you do not know about the past happenings involving Sloth attempting to
take over Neopia, I highly suggest you take a peek at “The
Life and Times of Frank Sloth”.
At Virtupets Station, any language is considered acceptable. This is because
of the handy-dandy translators that are handed out at the gate, so that you
will understand the ramblings emanating from the large loudspeaker.
Here in Krawk Island, there are very strict rules for linguistics. You will
not be permitted entry to the Island should you not be able to utter the words
“arr” and “matey.”
The locals will think of you as trodden-upon dung if you make a complete sentence
without tossing in a “harhar!” here or there. You would definitely not want
to be thought of as that, as the grog on Krawk Island is simply belch-worthy.
Faerieland is filled with the fluttering wings of the Faeries. You must always
be completely respectful of them, as not only are they superior beings, but
they can be quite nasty when it comes to spells. The best way to speak to a
Faerie is swiftly, and with confidence. They can sense fear easily, and do not
enjoy being thought of as frightening. Simply give a bow or a curtsy, and begin
to move your mouth, while pushing words past your tongue.
You must be absolutely sure not to start with small-talk, because the Faeries
simply do not enjoy speaking of the weather, being up in the clouds and such.
They do not find imitations of Fyora amusing, and, from personal experience,
you can be booted ten thousand feet downwards if you dare to insult the regal,
elegant Faerie Queen.
The Haunted Woods
Not much to say on the Haunted Woods. There really isn’t anyone to talk to.
However, if you waddle up to the Brain Tree, I beg you to speak as if you’re
quite dim, and thus the Tree can flaunt his intelligence unheeded.
In the pyramid-capped sands of Sakhmet, it is a rarely known fact that the
mummified former-kings and queens do not actually speak. You can talk to them
if you’d like to, of course, although, as was said for Terror Mountain, you
may well end up in an institution.
The tongue of the sand-dwellers is smooth and silky, making even the stiffest
of Pets be persuaded to do their bidding. To preven these Pets’ words from affecting
you, use your mouth to speak to them in the same way they will to you, and their
minds will be unable to penetrate this kind of defense mechanism.
The ancient language of Sakhmetians is very strange, and consists of unpronounceable
words and symbols that mean absolutely nothing up to yet. There are numerous
researchers attempting to decipher the written language, and perhaps sometime
you’ll be able to understand this intriguing “code.”
In this medieval village, the locals speak in a dialect known as “old-Neopian.”
They commonly shorten words, such as, “it is” would be pronounced “'tis.” For
instance, the phrase, “’Tis a marvelous day in this town, is it not? Where art
thou, sad?” “Where art thou,” contrary to popular belief, means “why are you.”
This was edition two of Traveling. Please stay tuned for more rambling
from us at Traveling in Neopia headquarters, and be sure to polish up your language
skills before visiting Tyrannia.
Thank you, and goodnight.