Main Page Go to Short Stories Go back to Articles Go to Comics Go to Continued Series Go to Editorial Go to New Series

Show All | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12 | Week 13 | Week 14 | Week 15 | Week 16 | Week 17 | Week 18 | Week 19 | Week 20 | Week 21 | Week 22 | Week 23 | Week 24 | Week 25 | Week 26 | Week 27 | Week 28 | Week 29 | Week 30 | Week 31 | Week 32 | Week 33 | Week 34 | Week 35 | Week 36 | Week 37 | Week 38 | Week 39 | Week 40 | Week 41 | Week 42 | Week 43 | Week 44 | Week 45 | Week 46 | Week 47 | Week 48 | Week 49 | Week 50 | Week 51 | Week 52 | Week 53 | Week 54 | Week 55 | Week 56 | Week 57 | Week 58 | Week 59 | Week 60 | Week 61 | Week 62 | Week 63 | Week 64 | Week 65 | Week 66 | Week 67 | Week 68 | Week 69 | Week 70 | Week 71 | Week 72 | Week 73 | Week 74 | Week 75 | Week 76 | Week 77 | Week 78 | Week 79 | Week 80 | Week 81 | Week 82 | Week 83 | Week 84 | Week 85 | Week 86 | Week 87 | Week 88 | Week 89 | Week 90 | Week 91 | Week 92 | Week 93 | Week 94 | Week 95 | Week 96 | Week 97 | Week 98 | Week 99 | Week 100 | Week 101 | Week 102 | Week 103 | Week 104 | Week 105 | Week 106 | Week 107 | Week 108 | Week 109 | Week 110 | Week 111 | Week 112 | Week 113 | Week 114 | Week 115 | Week 116 | Week 117 | Week 118 | Week 119 | Week 120 | Week 121 | Week 122 | Week 123 | Week 124 | Week 125 | Week 126 | Week 127 | Week 128 | Week 129 | Week 130 | Week 131 | Week 132 | Week 133 | Week 134 | Week 135 | Week 136 | Week 137 | Week 138 | Week 139 | Week 140 | Week 141 | Week 142 | Week 143 | Week 144 | Week 145 | Week 146 | Week 147 | Week 148 | Week 149

Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 11th day of Eating, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 102 > Articles > The Nicest Neopian

The Nicest Neopian

by noremac9

ROOM OF WHITE PURITY OF HEART AND OTHER MUSHY JUNK - You know, there's been a lot of stuff on the evil in Neopia. Interviews, interviews, uh, some interviews, and some articles and stories and such. Heck, maybe even a comic or ten. But the point is that we KNOW who the most evil creature is, so let's move onto to something we don't know: who's the nicest. We know the most evil is the Soup Faerie -- she discourages poor Neopians to make NP by having a cut-off limit on her services. How evil. But who IS the nicest Neopian? Well, I could tell you, but to be honest, I don't know. So I guess I could tell you about as well as a pile of dung could. However, I have an ability a pile of dung doesn't: to go and find out. And if this pile of dung does have this ability, please don't expose it to any more glowing furniture.

I know you're all expecting me to go on a grand quest in search of this answer, but instead I'm going to be cheap and use my Magic Dual Battle Mirror On The Wall. So, here goes nothing: Dual Battle Mirror, Dual Battle Mirror, On the Wall, who is the nicest of them all?

Not you. End of story. Leave me alone -- I have a migraine.

Well then. That was embarrassing. So as you can see my mirror is a bit depressed, and has some medical problems, but I'm sure it will be working again. Just as soon as I finish my insanely dumb quest and don't need it anymore. That's how she works. I only keep her around because her stock predicting skills are so good -- had me spend all my money on the stock NEGG, and I know it's sure to skyrocket! I need to check that, in fact...

Well, I guess it's time to get on this quest. No way around it. I figure there's only ONE place the nicest Neopian would be -- the Money Tree. So let's go check it out, shall we?

Normally, the Money Tree is looked down upon with disgust and thoughts of barely grabbing blue sand, but I think it could just be where we'll find our wonderfully-pure-of-heart-crusader. They're sure to donate stuff all day long, helping those with fast connections the poor Neopians. So I set up my Tent in a Box right by the smiling plant, and watched the names.

Most of the names are just random -- see them once, never again. However, sometimes someone will go on a big spree and donate tons and tons of worthless junk. This, however, does not make them the nicest Neopian, just really really tidy. But I stuck with it, and one name usurped all others: ghosts. However, when I looked it up, there was NO USER named ghosts. This is very disturbing. I jot down a list of all possible situations that might've caused ghosts to, well, ignore the bad pun -- disappear. Haunting, no?

1) It is possible, in theory, that ghosts is using a remote satellite linking system to transmit NPs from an alternate reality. This is very probable.

2) It is possible, in theory, that ghosts are dead-- er, so to speak?-- and that his/her/its fortune is being donated piece by piece to the giant brown and green guy. Unlikely.

3) It is possible, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am completely and totally off my creaky old rocker, and ghosts is just some weird Pseudonym used to distract us from the true conspiracy. Nah.

So, which will it be -- one, two, or the thing that comes after two (I had to save you from the horrible rhyme)? Personally, I think it's number one. I mean, this ghost person could very well be in another LEVEL of existence all together. Like one of those aliens off the old Neo Trek episodes-- they're all energy-a-fied and stuff. But at least, if that's true, we know they'll speak English. However, if that's true, than they're not in Neopia at all. So they're disqualified, and therefore we must move on.

Maybe they're the nicest when it comes to NPs, but what about the nicest when it comes to trophies? Many of you may be thinking Spectre, since you beat him to get the easiest trophy, Cheat!, but I believe you're wrong. There's someone that gives out trophies EVERY DAY, and you don't have to do ANYTHING for them! You can just be browsing the site, and BOOM! A trophy's yours. Sound too good to be true? It's not: the wonderful person is called the Tax Beast. Such a kind soul, awarding trophies to random Neopians, making everyone happy. Why, by the time this fine Neopian's work here is done, every little boy and girl in Neopia might have their own trophy! It just brings warmth to my heart like a roaring Snowflame.

And economy? Who nicely does the most for the economy? Well, I believe this is a pretty simple one: Balthazar. He catches those pesky faeries that might otherwise get, oh, hit by a speeding Pteri! And what does he do with them? He doesn't just get them out of harms way, but he gives them to Kauvara, who in turn sells them to restocking Neopians, who in turn sell them to others, who in turn bless their pets! It's a wonderful cycle, and the faeries just get released again only to be captured again and sold again. A beautiful economic solution that both generates NPs for the shop owners, the customers of that shop, and power for those in the Battledome. And who do we have to thank for this stroke of raw genius? Why, Balthazar the Bounty Hunter, who has never hunted a bounty in his life. Keen.

What about teaching us? Who has taught us what the meaning of life is, where to reach out to, why to try harder? The Esophagor, of course! He goes in disguise as a wretched beast, hungering for eternal sustenance, and... maybe that's not a disguise... but he still teaches us an important lesson: help the least of all Neopians, and you will be rewarded one day. Except he rewards you right THEN! How can you beat that? So what if it's often worth 1/97th of what it cost you, it's an object lesson, dung it! And to all of you who say he horribly cursed that poor little Kacheek: well, he was probably evil anyway. More than likely.

But I haven't answered the question yet -- I haven't gotten to the center of the Fish Pop (the difference is, however, that at the center of a Fish Pop, you have organs, and at the center of this, you have a nice person). So what's my sick and twisted verdict? Well, honestly, it's someone who hasn't even been MENTIONED yet. Yup, you guessed it: Mr. P. Devil. This guy is just bubbling over with kindness. Don't believe me? Let's go over the facts, and just the facts, people.

This guy is just SCREAMING kindness. One time, I had some junk in my inventory, and right before I was going to give it away, he came and picked it up for me! Saved me a lot of trouble. It's pretty nice to have room service that works on precognition, no? You just can't beat a nice... blue thing... like that.

And what about his famous underwear stunts? Well, ever been feeling like you just did something so embarrassing no one will ever like you again? Well, he's there, right by your side, to do something WAY stupider than what you did. Pretty soon, everybody forgets about what you did. Pretty nice of the... blue blob.

And you're complaining about all those Rod of Supernovas he stole from you right before you picked it up at the Advent Calendar? Well, ever LOOK at those thing? Had you picked it up, your vision would've been permanently hindered, or worse, they're so bright! However, his eyes are different, so he sacrificed his time and effort to save your vision. Man, what a... whatever he is.

And the whole Battledome gig? Well, he's one of the easiest opponents out there! He's just helping all those weak Neopians rack up a nice Battledome score. Pretty nice of him, I think. When I grow up, I want to be a... thing like him... just like him. Plus, when you beat him, he turns conveniently into blueberry ice cream. Pretty cool.

Oh, and as for the petty bike theft incident, well, that's all pretty simple. See, while it LOOKs like he was cackling evilly and stealing the bike, he was simply getting the bike away from her before the ticking time bomb went off. How do I know it's a bomb? Just look at panel two with Ginny on her bike-- see the thing that looks like a seat? It's a bomb. Why? Moving on.

And the cackling, well, that was just a Uni in his throat, so to speak. Or something.

But I mean, this... blue ice cream-like thing... is awesome! He's nice, nice, and just plain NICE. How could he not when.

I hereby present Mister Pant. E. Devil with the Gold Star of Being-Nice-ness. It's just around here, I think... oh, here it-- HEY!

Something Has Happened!

The Pant Devil appears and steals Gold Star of Being-Nice-Ness! Oh no!

Wow, see what I mean-- nifty. Didn't even have to hand it to him. Thanks, Pant-man.

Week 102 Related Links

Fates Entwined: Part Five
"I'm under the impression that you are helping me out of a grudge against some Dark Faerie. Mind you, I don't like Dark Faeries myself..."

by sarakrindel

Search :
Other Stories

Generating A Cool Adventure: How To Make a Hero
What makes each story unique is HOW your characters react to the trouble they are in and how they react to each other.

by stoneman3x

The Most Peculiar Things of Neopia
After spending hours upon hours in Neopia, I still don’t know what all exists, and some things that make me wonder WHY they exist.

by onda_bianca

Princess Fernypoo: Spoiled Brat or Simply Misunderstood?
It is time to find out the truth: is the Princess a hot-headed drama queen, or simply an innocent, misunderstood Acara?

by arden_starr

Caring For Your Human: Neopoint Uses
We present you this guide so that you may be aware of how your human might choose to use its Neopoints and hopefully be able to direct its attention to whatever outlet you find most desirable.

by tdyans

Neopets | Main | Articles | Editorial
Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series | Search