Being a Newly-Morphed Lupe
IN THE MIND OF A LUPE - Everybody wants to be a Lupe. Or at least 1/10th of people
do. Don't believe me? Ask ten friends -- if none of them care, it's YOU! If so,
you're probably going to look for a Lupe Morphing potion, plop down a heaping
pile of NP, painfully limp away, and then gulp down the bugger. Then you're going
to feel funny. However, after that, you'll feel cooler than you ever have -- trust
me, I... well, I can't say I've been one, but I do OWN one. So I know some thing's
about Lupes. For instance, I think they have tails, but... I can't quite remember.
As you can see, I'm very knowledgeable.
The point is, however, that once you're morphed into a Lupe, being a Lupe
isn't easy at all. So what if everyone's scared of you and basically does whatever
you want, all your peers have no manners for you to worry about, and your life
basically stays the same? But work with me here, because no need for article
= no article.
Anyway, since it could be really expensive (after morphing yourself) to buy
ALL the Lupe books, I'll transcribe them all here into one helpful place. This
is your first step towards supreme Lupedom.
Inside the mind of Lupes
Arts and Crafts With Lupe
How to make a Chia disguise: take Meaty Lupe Treat, paste on forehead. Always
Guide to Lupes
As you can probably tell, there's a common thread between all of the above
books: Lupes. Oh wait, I already said that. Okay, so more importantly, there's
a DIFFERENT common thread: Chias. So what does this mean? Well, obviously, there's
a really great mutual relationship with Chias and Lupes. I mean, why would Lupes
feel such an overwhelming responsibility to constantly promote these guys otherwise?
And why would Chias dedicate there VERY OWN DAY to being eaten! Now that's kindness!
So what if Lupes eat them -- I'm sure it's only to be polite to their hosts.
Also, if these book's... shall we say, "Themes?"... may seem a bit monotonous
and uninformative. That is because Lupe's have no opposable thumbs, and are
too proud to ask anyone to help them. So give 'em some slack -- they might not
be the most verbose pets, but their books are very... informative.
So if you were just morphed, and you really want to be popular in the pack,
first of all, don't join one. Instead, make friends with every Chia around.
THEN join the pack, and bring all your friends to the initiation feast. It might
not make sense now, but trust me, you'll thank me later. The Society for Ethical
Treatment of Chias, however, will probably burn my sad excuse of a NeoHome down.
In which case I'll thank them.
So now you can walk the walk, but can you talk the talk? Or is it woof that
woof? Ah well, it's all the same to me. But what I'm getting at, is that you've
got to talk Lupespeak. Yeah, Lupespeak. You've heard of Chatspeak, Newspeak,
and even... some others, I think, but what about Lupespeak? You didn't think
they were just howling aimlessly at the moon, did you? That's what I do, not
-- oops, the secret's out. Moving on.
So anyway, here's a list of some stuff you'll need to know once you're morphed.
Woooooruuuuruuuuu! - That's an old call for, "Anybody got some food?"
One of the easiest, trust me... I mean, trust my Lupe.
Ahhhroooooroooo! - This one's another easy one -- it means, "GET OFF
Broooooroooorooarooo! A little for advanced, the meaning being, "There's
a Wadjet in the bush next to the tree by the large mossy stone adjacent to the
stream and it looks angry so dodge to the right, right now!" Yeah, just a little
detailed. A tad.
Okay, so this is really confusing... and all I do is howl at the moon like
a lunatic... OOPS again. But seriously, cough, just ask the pack leader
or something. The secret might come out that you used to be a Quiggle, but --
I'm rambling, so I'll just admit it.
I know nothing about Lupespeak (or 'Grooooruuruuoooooo!', translated), and
I really know nothing about being a Lupe. So I'm going to go out and buy a morphing
potion, then come back and write the rest of this article -- Lupe-ized. One
second, if you will.
LLMGDF MDFN-GDF RGHWGU WH WEIOBGW EO0PI NEW OHG WN G WEWIOBEKL WHEBIN GWM
GBWRUO JL BUJF W RBJVM E4FB JSDSDM IB RJKFDFM U UJFBK D NDFNM VCNRF LDJDVM NFJLD
VM CN DFGM VCH NIFK DDFMLNNM.
Uh, so now I'm back to human again. Thank Coltzan for Dark Faeries! Had to
sell my immortal soul, but she transferred me back into my human body. And if
you look above, I think you can see why Lupes aren't prolific writers. Anyway,
where was I? Oh yes, Dark Faerie's are-- my body. It's not MY body. This is
FAT EDDIE'S BODY! HELP! HELP! AHHHH!
Oh well, better fat Eddie than Lupe Noremac, I suppose. Now let's move on
to the part all Lupes need to know: Greek. Didn't see that one coming, now did
ya'? Actually, it's one of the greatest Lupe pastimes. For some odd reasons,
Lupes feel strongly connected to the Greek language. When in a pack, words like,
"Alpha", "Omega" and "Kappa," are used frequently, as to show who's the boss.
For instance, whoever can pronounce, "Omega" best, automatically becomes boss.
I know this because I once saw a Lupe say "Omega!" and then order another Lupe
around. An interesting system, indeed, but I suppose it works. Since you'll
be new to being a Lupe, before you join a pack, immediately study all forms
So being a Lupe, is, as you can see, really easy. Unless you are Christmas
Lupe, in which case you'll be hot everywhere except Terror Mountain. Or a Fire
Lupe, in which case you'll be hot EVERYWHERE. Of course, if you're a Robot Lupe,
you won't feel ANYTHING, anywhere. And if you're a Halloween Lupe, you will
almost always feel something -- a constricting rope around your waist. Naturally,
if you're a baby Lupe, you will always always feel something, and that's small.
Yup, as you can see, being a Lupe as easy as Kaykee Wake Cake. Good luck.