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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 3rd day of Running, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 84 > Articles > Swords Just Don't Cut It

Swords Just Don't Cut It

by too_kule

BATTLEDOME - Pah, who wants a sword? Sure, just because there's fifty odd different types of these babies, doesn't mean anybody wants them! Today, people want to fight with snowballs, snowflakes and muffins. What could be next? Well, I've come up with some ideas to top these teapots and butter knives.

Neopian Time Issue Three - Volume One

Description: Ewwwwww, this copy of the first volume of The Neopian Times is all moldy and yellow! Not only will the colour gross you're opponents out, but the stories are so bad, they'll leave your foe gagging for some good literature!

Price: 1 NP

Damage: 2 icons; 2 earth

Bottomless Bag of Lemons

Description: Like the saying goes 'When life hands you a Bottomless Bag of Lemons, spray citric acid in someone's eye'! Take out two lemons each turn, and chuck them at your opponent!

Price: 20,000 NP

Damage: 8 icons each lemon (1 use each); 3 earth, 3 fire, 1 water, 1 physical

Used Paint Brush

Description: Hundreds of Neopets get painted each and every day, so what else are we going to do with these pieces of wood? The ultimate in recyclable weaponry!

Price: 600 NP

Damage: 3 icons; 2 physical, 1 darkness

Asparagus Scimitar

Description: Oooooh, this ought to give your foes a thrashing... as if! But if you ever get into a fight with Adam, don't use it, it'll probably heal him. Use in combination with the Butter Bomb for an awesome effect!

Price: 200 NP

Damage: 2 icons; 1 earth, 1 physical (15 with Butter Bomb)

Butter Bomb

Description: It's hard to tell which it is better at, fighting or fattening. Use in combination with the Asparagus Scimitar for an awesome effect!

Price: 90,000 NP

Damage: 10 icons; 3 physical, 3 fire, 3 light, 1 air (15 with Asparagus Scimitar)

Dung Totem

Description: With the use of this magical totem, it will start raining dung! AHHHHH! Once per battle.

Price: 200,000 NP

Damage: 14 icons; 5 physical, 5 darkness, 3 earth, 1 water

Bunion Cube OF DEATH!!!

Description: Who would've thought so much pain can be caused by something so small?

Price: 1,000,000 NP

Damage: 15 icons; 8 physical, 3 water, 3 fire, 1 light

Uber Palm Fan

Description: It's a palm fan, just better! Rumour has it adoriblelapin made them by tying two average palm fans together, but who knows?

Price: 5 NP

Damage: 2 icons; 1 earth, 1 air

Battle Chia Pop

Description: Woah, yummy! Force your foe to eat it, and every flavour will hurt their pet!

Price: 45,000 NP

Damage: 6 icons; 1 water, 1 fire, 1 light, 1 earth, 1 air, 1 darkness

Bruceicle of the Dark Faerie

Description: Even Dark Faeries have a sweet tooth, so this is the perfect weapon!

Price: 60,000 NP

Damage: 8 icons; 4 darkness, 2 water, 2 air

Hairy Tongue Beast Plushie

Description: This plushie can lick your opponent, yuck! And squeeze its tummy to hear it say 'Waaaaaah, why can't I be in the gallery of evil?'.

Price: 2,000 NP

Damage: 4 icons; 2 physical, 2 water

Grain of Battle Rice

Description: Strong, very strong! This single grain of rice can pack quite a wallop, but sadly it can only be used once and then its gone.

Price: 500 NP

Damage: 7 icons; 4 physical, 3 earth

Grain of Uber Battle Rice

Description: Strong, very strong... even stronger than the average Battle Rice! This single grain of rice can pack quite a wallop, but sadly it can only be used once and then its gone.

Price: 160,000 NP

Damage: 21 Icons; 12 physical, 9 earth

Box of Battle Rice

Description: This box is filled with an unlimited amount of Battle Rice! Pull out three grains each turn, and if you're really lucky, you might pull out a Grain of Uber Battle Rice.

Price: 200,000 NP

Tome of Comets

Description: Read the magical words in this book, and summon the power of a comet from space! But since the distance the comet would have to travel is so great, it takes three turns after you summon it for it to arrive.

Price: 4,000,000 NP

Damage: 22 icons; 13 light, 6 fire, 2 physical, 1 earth

Sloth's Jelly

Description: Even an evil mastermind like Dr. Sloth can enjoy a jelly treat every once and a while! Chuck it at your opponents and see how they like it.

Price: 97,000 NP

Damage: 10 icons; 6 darkness, 3 water, 1 physical

Rock

Description: Take a guess at what you're supposed to with this weapon.

Price: 400 NP

Damage: 3 icons; 3 physical

Vial of Germs

This vial contains millions of microscopic germs. Unleash them on your foe and each turn they'll do four icons of damage! Can only be used once per battle.

Price: 70,000 NP

Damage: 4 icons of damage automatically each turn; 2 earth, 2 water

El Picklesaur's Pickle

It's El Picklesaur's trusty weapon, his pickle! Hit it over your foes head, shove it in their ear, spray the salty juice in their eye... it's a totally free-style weapon!

Price: 3,000

Damage: 5 icons; 3 water, 2 physical

Mr. Shankly Doll

This plushie always seems to have some dung beneath its sleeve...

Price: 5,000,000 NP

Damage: 16 icons; 9 water, 4 physical, 2 darkness, 1 earth

Snowflake Doll

Brrrrr, the room suddenly got colder with this doll here.

Price: 5,000,000 NP

Damage: 16 icons, 9 water, 7 air

Admit it, you wanted those! Of course, who wouldn't? I could easily see these twenty-one items becoming real Battledome weapons! Until next time, this is too_kule, signing off. Au revoir! Over and out.

Week 84 Related Links

GoldenRhino the Stuper Villain Seeks Out a Minion
GoldenRhino walked deeper and deeper into the Haunted Woods. Sharp, red eyes were looking at him. ZAAAAAAAAAP!

by too_kule


The Ultimate Time Twisters Adventure: Part Eight
"I have a minion who lives in the Haunted Woods. She should come," said Methalius. It didn't take very long for a Ghost Uni to come flying up.

by too_kule


Pteri Days
Why are there no pictures of Pterii in fashion books?

by too_kule



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