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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 17th day of Sleeping, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 84 > Articles > Some Ridiculous Commentary On the New Plot Parts...

Some Ridiculous Commentary On the New Plot Parts...

by noremac9

HIDING UNDER A BUSH NEAR THE DARIGAN CITADEL - After the two new plot parts were released, a lot of Neopians were sent scratching their heads. Me too. But after studying them for a whopping undefined period of time, I figured it out. Now, you lucky little Neopian, you can benefit from MY research without doing anything. Okay, so you have to read, but you didn't have to watch both of the movies fifty times...

Chapter 11

Okay, it starts with the Darigan Citadel whizzing through the night sky-- where it's going, we can only guess. Or is the sky moving? Nevermind. At first we see the Orb sharpening the fingernail of some weird claw-thing. Then, Lord Darigan (who's not to be confused with the country he commands... or is he to be confused with it? He sure is, whether he should be or not!) walks over to the Orb, waves at it, and it hops over to him. Then, he asks why it hasn't brought him what it PROMISED. This means the Orb can talk. Okay, I know that's a bit far-fetched... so it maybe it can just write. Or Sign contracts with those swirly things. Or communicate with its... mind. Okay, it's a shiny piece of metal, so maybe it doesn't have a mind. So maybe Lord Darigan is hallucinating-- which is NOT good when you're the ruler of an evil country. Anyway, next we see Lord Darigan telling the Orb that the citadel is STILL broken, and the people STILL don't know where the Giant Omelette is.

Shortly thereafter, the Orb reflects in his eyes. Um, I guess we know he wears really shiny contacts-- make a note of that. After he's done with the contact thing, he coughs, and says he doesn't care if his people ever find the giant omelette. After that, he does this little jig with his wings until everyone gets really tired of watching his poor dancing, so he walks towards his balcony. He comments on the Orb having more tricks inside its shell... obviously, Lord Darigan thinks it's his pet Turdle, and it can roll over on command. More hallucinating, obviously. Probably from watching those Turdles crawling around in the stadium from his Citadel too much-- it gets to you. Anyway, after that, he remarks on its beauty, and says he knows he can use its power for evil. As he gets to his balcony, he tries to drop the Orb off of it, but it defies the laws of physics and floats right in front of him. Then, since he was REALLY trying to use its power for evil, not drop it, it gets the message and aims for the only target in sight: Ultimate Bullseye. It fires this long laser-looking thingy in an attempt to hit the target, but instead causes a lot of smoky stuff to get spread around. Oddly enough, this results in the destruction of the game, Ultimate Bullseye. In case you couldn't tell, there was a big "KABOOM!!!" to make it clear what happened.

Chapter 12

This chapter begins with the Yellow Knight clapping "Happy Birthday!" to himself. There really isn't much of a party in a maximum security dungeon, so it's the best he could do. By a fluke of nature, his chain decides it's tired of being clapped on, and pops off. Wow. He's lucky. Next thing he knew, he realized Master Vex had fallen asleep reading a book. It's no big surprise, since the book is entitled "The Reason Lupes Eat Chias"-- and is therefore entirely blank. Pretty boring. I'd be sleeping, too. Anyway, since Vex was sleeping, he figured he'd take the opportunity to use the bathroom, something he hadn't done since he was captured. By another random fluke of nature, he came across a bunch of dusty Darigan clones. Out of sheer boredom, since he couldn't find one of those new Dung Toilets, he began practising his hopping skills behind them, all the while Lord Darigan talking to himself, just as any self-respecting overlord should right before the apex of his power is unleashed. In the middle of his speech, for the first time ever, the Yellow Knight opened his eyes and noticed Darigan wasn't looking like himself.

Unfortunately, at that same moment, Vex revealed he could magically stretch his arm to freakish length, and proceeded to do so. Too bad the camera started having technical difficulties about that time, so I can't really comment on what happened... um, pretty colors... blackouts, you know, the usual camera troubles. Then Lord Darigan proclaimed he had ultimate power-- in reality, he just found a Fire, Fire, Your Pants Are On Fire! paint brush on the floor, made a pit stop at the rainbow pool, and whizzed back to the Citadel, all in the time it took for the camera to get fixed. Somehow, he thinks that makes him special. Darn painted pets and their arrogance... Anyway, he continues to talk about how he'll rule Neopia, because he's sure to win the beauty contest looking like that. The Yellow Knight, however, grows tired of secretly watching his antics, and tells Vex they need to go tell the plumbers that there isn't a Toilet near by, and that they'd like one installed in the dungeon. However, it's decided that instead, the Yellow Night will go skydiving head first off the citadel, in order to discover the ultimate thrill. Gnarly!

Meanwhile, Vex went to tell a bunch of pets sitting around a table that Darigan was transformed into a painted pet, and for some reason, he thinks that makes Darigan powerful-- just like Darigan does. Go figure. They all-- meaning the pets at the table-- sit around on their bums nodding in agreement, because that's what you're supposed to do when you have authority. Right after that, we see the Yellow Knight fall like a fat Snorkel off the Citadel-- okay, more like a fat Chia. Oddly enough, he merely makes an "ouch!" noise and gets up. I can only say one thing: GET ME SOME OF THAT ARMOR! After that, he sneaks into the castle, says he was sent by Master Vex, explains the situation, and watches the other three pets sit there. For Hours. Suddenly, the Grarrl realizes what he wants, and says they'll help... or something.

Okay, so now you KNOW what's going to happen next. After the in-depth breakdown you just read, everything should be apparent. Darigan's going to enter the Beauty Contest, the Yellow Knight's going to sell a boatload of that armor, and Vex and those other pets are going to nod their heads over and over. But what does this have to do with you? Well, it boils down to this: will you vote for Darigan, or will you write ANOTHER article saying the Beauty Contest is bad/good? Either way, here's my prediction. Darigan will lose, and that'll make him mad. Then he'll enter his pet Turdle-- I mean the Orb, in petpet spotlight, hoping to gain fame. Oddly enough, he already has his face on a T-shirt, which is pretty famous... but this guy's a megalomaniac! After that's rejected, he'll try to take over Neopia. Then we'll all fight him. Then, after he loses, something will happen, and... um... yeah. So then, Meridell will be restored, and you can FINALLY play Shapeshifter till your head hurts like a Battle Potato just hit it. Swell.

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