Chapter Ten: Jub Jub Jujitsu and Doglefox Distractions
Carefully, Jubby and Digger made their way through the
teeming maze of pets, bots and owners. The Warehouse wasn't hard to find, Jesenka
had given excellent directions. Besides that, there was the tacky cardboard
sign proclaiming "Grundo Warehouse" to the world.
Our vertically challenged hero and his plucky
petpet walked through the door, only to find a huge line of owners and their
pets. Each one was holding a notebook, a packet of stickers, or some other piece
of real-world merchandise. But no one seemed to be paying any attention to the
item… they were all staring at small pieces of the different packaging, as if
reading something in small print.
"What's going on here?" Digger asked in what
he thought was a whisper.
"The owners have rare item codes from their
Neopets toys," a baby Shoyru who was playing with a Babaa plushie on the floor
nearby said. "They give the little Grundo up there the code, and he goes and
gives 'em a rare item."
Jubby patted the baby on the head, and used
one of his multitalented feet to tuck Digger up under his hat. Using the distracted
owners themselves as cover, he skirted the line and snuck into the Warehouse
right on the heels of the overworked Grundo, who was so busy looking at the
list of codes that he didn't notice a thing.
Once inside the Warehouse, he stopped following
the Grundo quartermaster, and went off in search of the Spoon. It didn't take
him long to find the place he was looking for; there were big signs that said
"Weapon Stash, Guards Go Here", probably for the benefit of the lobotomized
Two huge hulking examples of Sloth's Transmogrification
Potion in action stood guard at a huge metal door. Jubby and Digger crouched
behind some nearby boxes, trying to decide on a strategy.
"Okay, here's the plan," Jubby whispered after
a moment's thought. "The one on the left looks stupider, so we'll take out the
one on the right first and hope he doesn't notice."
"Sounds-" Digger started to say, but Jubby put
a foot over his mouth. "Shhh!" Jubby hissed. "Whisper!"
"Sounds good!" Digger tried again, his
little voice barely audible. "How're we gonna do it?"
"You go up and widdle on his shoes, and while
he's distracted I'll do the Jubjub Toe Grip on him."
"What? In PUBLIC?"
"This isn't exactly public."
"Then YOU widdle on his shoes and I'll do the
Toe Grip on him!"
"One problem with that. Your toes are too small."
"I could bite him! I could bite him!"
Jubby shook his head. "You'd never pierce his
skin, and if you somehow DID, you'd get some kind of horrible mutant disease,
"But, but, but…"
Jubby gave an exasperated sigh. "I kissed Jesenka,
it's YOUR turn to do something gross and potentially embarrassing!"
Well, there was just no arguing with that kind
of logic. With a deep breath and a slight swagger, Digger walked up to one of
the two Grundo guards. He looked up, wagged his tail cutely, lifted his leg…
and did what he had to do.
"Hey! What you do, little doggie?" the dim-witted
Grundo asked. He looked down to see why all of a sudden his feet felt warm and
This was just the opportunity that Jubby needed.
With a mighty leap, he was standing on the Grundo's beefy shoulders. In a flash,
his gigantic toes were locked on both sides of the guard's neck. With a grunt
of surprise, the guard's knees buckled, and he fell to the floor like a mighty
Finally, the other guard noticed that something
was amiss. He looked over, and blinked his red eyes stupidly.
"Hey Blarg, why you on floor?" he asked. Then
he noticed the red fluffy growth on the back of his friend's neck. "Hey fuzzy
berry thing! What you do to Blarg!"
By this time, Digger had moved over to the other
guard's shoes… and was giving a repeat performance. The cretin looked down,
and gave a deep bellow of outrage.
"Little doggie ruin shoes! Kersmash!" he shouted
as he raised his fist to make Digger into squashed Salisbury steak.
Jubby gave a mighty battlecry, and leapt from
the neck of the fallen guard. He was a ball of feet and fury as he attacked,
kicking and screaming in a fashion that would make the Ancient Training School
Nimmos weep with pride. Within seconds, the guard joined his companion on the
floor, covered in bruises that strangely resembled JubJub footprints.
Jubby gave a little ceremonial bow, and turned
"You didn't have to do it twice, you know,"
he said with a grin.
But Digger wasn't there to respond! Jubby looked
around, behind boxes, even under the two guards… but no Digger. Finally, he
turned to the door itself. It was open, and through the black, cavernous opening
Jubby heard a distant cry of terror.
To be continued...